I guess if people are quoting you you're doing something right...

I have been holding off on posting anything about my internet dating (mis)adventures because a fellow 20sb asked me to do a guest post and I figured it'd be a great intro to it, because after all, I am a bomb ass-writer.

Forgive me

That's the last time

However, she emailed me the posting list and I am not scheduled till next week... so I can't really hold off anymore.

Last night was my first date with the second person I've met from the site, and all I have to say is who eats ribs with a fork?

I think that should have been my sign this guy and I were not meant for each other. I want to date someone who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, especially for something as awesome as ribs.

And the chip on his shoulder is a bit larger than I would like to deal with. It's good to have reasons to keep on keepin' on... but there is no reason to be bitter.

I hope he doesn't read this.

Whatever, I don't care.

I'm going to give advice, maybe he should read it.

Tips for meeting someone for the first time:
    Don't tell them they look nervous. Obviously I'm nervous, we've never met before; you pointing it out makes me more nervous.
    Don't eat ribs with a fork. If you are that concerned with not getting messy, or whatever your reasons are, order something else that people normally eat with a fork. Similarly, don't eat pizza with a fork. We've all done it, but impress me with your ability to eat like a normal person. Thank you.
    Don't make me feel weird about arguing with my mother. I'm glad the relationship with your mother is perfect, but anyone over the age of 3 has gotten into a tiff with a parent or parent like figure, and you are the weird one for not doing that. No girl wants to date a mamma's boy, let us fall in love with you before you reveal your freakish connectedness with her.

a huge reason why girls like bad boys: they aren't still in love with their mothers.

Loving your parents is great, and I love mine so much more now that we don't share an immediate vicinity. I'm not weird. Don't make me feel like I am.
    Similarly, don't argue with me. I don't care if we disagree, I don't want to date myself, that's why I'm here with you; but I do not want to feel belittled or attacked for any of my opinions, no matter how different they are from your own.
    If you can't move on and over and be grateful for the lessons you've learned in life (including middle school) than please don't talk about it. I guess I'm very lucky because I can forgive and forget, and I know not everyone can do that; but let it go man. You like who you are, you are who you are because of what you went through, stop being Bitter Betty, she's very annoying.
    This is the most important thing: do not say the word awkward. It's never more awkward than right after you say the word. I don't care how awkward it is, it'll be made instantly worse when you say awkward.
   
After the date boy number two and I were texting, agreeing that things didn't go well and that we shouldn't try it again. We agreed to stay friends (although, he lives really far away, and we barely know each other, not sure how that will work considering he doesn't even know where Stow is...) and such. Through our texting frenzy I said, "I honestly just hate the idea of starting over. I want to start in the middle," and he put that us as his facebook status later that night. Yes, he put quotations around it, and yes he said truer words had never been spoken... but still. Is that weird to anyone else?

Maybe I'm just being a girl and analyzing every little thing.

Maybe I'm not really ready to date yet. I feel like I am. I thought this guy was special. I was so excited to meet him. We'd talked on the phone, texted till my thumbs hurt, flirted, agreed and such on so many things... but the spark, it just wasn't there. I guess the internet can't measure the level your pheromones will react to each other.

I have another date Thursday, this guy is 31... which seems like he might be a little old for me; but I turn 22 Friday so maybe 9 years won't be that much. I've heard of a lot worse.