looking back... and forward.

I looked at my resolution list from last year and besides the fact that it was gross (being a girlfriend is weird for me, I don't like that girl, she's sappy and strange and I am glad she doesn't exist anymore) I actually accomplished more of my list than I thought I would.

I had a goal to read twice as many books as in 2009, and looking back on my literary year I think I blew that one out of the water. I can't remember how many I read this year or last, but i do know that I read a shit ton and for that I am very pleased.

I wanted to join a choir, and as my father says, I have commitment issues and a two practice one performance choir is just my thing. The songs we did were beautiful and I felt awesome singing and being part of a group again. I have no desire to join anything more permanent at this point, so that was a great way to feel good and sing without being overwhelmed in the commitment area.

I actually paid off all my college debt (not the student loans, just the debt that was preventing me from even being able to attend another school. Go me!Oh, yea, and thanks Dad, you're awesome.

letting my hair grow out was a huge task, but I've done it and maintained it.

where I was about a year ago, ignore the pseudo sexy face... please, for the love of God ignore it.

and... look at that length! I'm amazing.

I did not: start school, lose 30 pounds... (maybe gained a bit, oops), audition for a play, or the gross thing with David and love and grossness... but I'm okay with that. Which I guess means that I accomplished my goal of being happy with where I am.

I am happier, so much happier; without all the work I have done for me this year I would probably be splattered on some concrete something right now, because that's where I was headed. Since August I've changed my perspective on the entire world and the part I play in it and I know that no one could have helped me (other than my therapist and her lovely medicines). There is something really satisfying about being able to wake up and not dread every moment of your life. Four hard months of therapy and I feel like a new person, a new happy person.

I don't really know what I'm planning for two-thousand eleven, but that's not really a big deal. I always plan every moment of my life, and that wasn't working for me anymore. Going with the flow and letting my life just happen as it should seems like a lot better of a plan than planning all sorts of things and obsessing over their completion or not. Gaols are great to have, but not if you're being overwhelmed with so many of them that none are getting completed and you're in the fetal position crying in the corner.

Maybe the only goal I need is to remember that nothing is as bad as it seems.