I wonder as I wonder...

I think starting my posts with lyrics to Christmas tunes is going to be something I'll try to keep up as long as they fit. Because being campy is okay this time of year and I still don't have a Christmas tree to put anything under and we all needs that extra little something to make stuff extraordinary...

I spent a good half hour or so with my nephew yesterday and all I have to say is that kid is a needy little effer... and it's not getting any better because we all love him so much that we just want to hold him forever, and kiss his soft strangely patchy head. The hair has rubbed off the top and the back is turning into a sexy version of baby mullet. He's still got his side burns, so you don't have to worry about that.



Yellow is not his color... but that face... I'm melting.

The best part is that when I sing to him he likes it. My voice sooths the baby type people; I get to work on my biceps (holding a kid is hard, he's about 12lbs) and vocal skills at the same time.

I figured I'd continue with the 5 things lists from last week because it's a good exercise and I am curious what I come up with.

Do you think about your blog posts before you even sit down to your computer or do you just let them happen? I'm usually 50/50... there are times when I know exactly what I want to say before I even type a letter, others where I have to really think about where my life is and what I think could become interesting read.

5 things I need to question when I meet someone new.

Google found a list of five questions, and I think they are actually good ones. So, I'll answer them.

What am I looking for in my soul mate?

•  I'm looking for my soul mate to be male, I won't be upset if it's not, I just would like a guy.
• Someone who believes in monogamy. I understand that that behavior is popular nowadays, but I'm not interested in bringing it into my relationship. I know I get jealous, I work really hard to see things for what they are and not freak out... but sex with another person is still sex with another person, and I can't have that in my relationship.
• I want someone who is affectionate. I love to show love; and I want someone who likes to show it too.
• Intelligence/similar sense of humor
• Family values
• Patience (I am difficult sometimes, but I really do try not to be...)
• Must love Gays... although, I feel that acceptance of all types of people would fit into intelligence.

My ideal soul mate would have brown hair and green eyes... but then we could run into a situation where people might think we look like siblings. But I just love green eyes, and dark hair. And I want him to be tall, however, these last ones aren't bulleted, because they don't matter. I'm only half shallow.

What qualities do I need to show to attract my soul mate?

I guess that when it really comes down to it this is the question I do not want to answer because it means talking about myself and what I either do... or don't do... that people I will love will be attracted to (or not).

• comedy, in a cultured intelligent way.
• no cheating, I can't expect it if I don't do it too
• affection, which is easy since I am very affectionate (if I like you)
• family values, which now is hard because I can't stand my mother or sister... gotta work on that
• patience... hahaha, umm... okay, I need to be more patient. I need to relax. I need to stop catastrophizing. These are things I'm working on though, so just keep working.
• Accepting. If people can see how accepting I am then I'll be a good heads up that I am looking for someone who also is accepting, of lot's of things, including homosexuality.
• Driven... I have this problem with motivation because things tend to just work out for me with little to no effort... I need to get driven so someone who is will love me.

On a real life list, to attract someone I need to lose weight. My fat ass has too much junk in it's trunk, and I have already talked about that so I'll leave it there. I want to lose weight so I'll be more attracted to myself (sex with the lights on... able to wear my cute clothes... that sort of thing) and in doing so gain more confidence in the person I am on the inside. I have probably more confidence than other people my size, but that probably comes from knowing that the real things that matter are what's inside my head and not so much the other crap people spend so much time obsessing over.

What qualities do I have now that can attract my soul mate?

• Hilarious, really. You think I'm funny reading me... just wait. I'm even funnier in real life.
• Good Cook.
• Affectionate
• Family Values... sort of, all but the mother and sister for now
• Accepting
• Adaptable
• Giving
• Confidence
• Singing skills
• Intelligence
• Boobies

Am I ready for a relationship?

Am I? I like to think I am. Here it gets sketchy because the website says to list five things from your past and find ways to close the doors on those relationships so you can open the doors to new ones... But, do you have to close a door to be able to move on? Do you have to decided that someone can no longer be part of your life so you can have someone else be your soul mate? I don't entirely agree with this, and here is why:

You are who you are because of where you've been, and who you were there with. I'm looking for someone to love the me that I am now, and I am proud of this me, so why hide that parts from my past that helped shape me? Why close the door on future learning opportunities? Why close the door on past learning opportunities? I am who I am, and I don't regret anything. I'm looking forward to taking the next steps in my life with every bit of knowledge that I have earned myself up to this point, and some of it was painful, but that just makes it all the more real. Yes, I'm ready to see someone new, and yes there are people in my past who I don't talk to anymore; but there are also very important people from my past that i do talk to. And I am not giving up a friend that means so much to me just to say I closed the door on a past relationship. That is not the best choice for me; loosing a friend you have no qualms with and you get along with and who makes your life better just by existing is an idiot decision, and I refuse to make it. Any intelligent gent who I hope to date will see that clearly, so I think the closing more doors thing isn't really what I need to do.

But I do need to figure out of I am ready for a relationship, and I think the answer is yes. I am ready to give parts of myself to someone and have them accept them with open arms. I am ready to see an individual in the special light that comes from dating them on a one on one level, and I am ready to do datey type things. I miss doing datey type things. I miss kissing someone just because I want to, and I miss saying, "good night, I love you,"... not that that'll happen right away. But I still really want there to be that someone who balances me out and keeps me chill.

Future Mr. Potter, where are you?

The last question is What do I need to do to appeal to my soul mate? ...but I think that I already answered that with the attraction question so I am stopping after four.

 I don't know how people ever fell in love before the internet was there to tell them how to do it, seriously.