Thursday, June 9, 2011

spiraling into the abyss

Alternate title: my period and how it ruins my life.

Now, I'm not going to complain because I'm bleeding or having back pain or anything like that. I'm a strong (black) woman, like Kathy Griffin

       who, by the way, I have tickets to see on October 23rd!

and I do not blog about things like the monthly war raged between my ovaries and my uterus. I'm above that.

What I'm not above, however, is talking about my emotions. You're welcome.

        By the way, is anyone else on blogger? I hate the new set up.  

Recently I've noticed that my emotions are sluty bitches who ambush me in the hallways and steal my lunch money. I fear them, I try to avoid them, but somehow they always find a way to sneak up behind me and catch me off guard. It sucks. And it's because mother nature makes me all touchy feely when my ovaries decided they want knocked up again, which is every single month. I cry when I don't want to, I get upset at jokes that aren't meant to hurt me, I get super stressed by everyday qualms. Currently I am having major shoulder pain because I carry the weight of the world on my left one... and it's started spreading to my right.

I know that a few days from now when my estrogen levels are back to normal and I have more control in hiding the crazy I'll be fine, but this past week I have had to be very cognitive of feeling depressed. I have to make sure I don't go to bed and lay awake for hours thinking about all the ways I can and have and will fail. I have to make sure that the stupid shit that causes me stress every day, such as loosing my wallet last week and still not having a debit or credit card available to me, don't knock me out.

Yesterday I wanted to make Tom and I dinner, because I love dinner and I like Tom. I also love cooking, I really wanted to do this. So, I go to the store and try to buy groceries... but guess what? They don't accept checks. And the bank was closed so I couldn't cash a check... So I felt like a piece of shit.

Also, I need a break. I've been going to school every week day then coming to work straight after for over a month now, skipping my lunch break and just eating discreetly at my desk when I can... I'm getting overwhelmed.

I think that is the first key to noticing when I am becoming depressed again... "overwhelming" is a far to overused word in my vocabulary.

Hope this is enough of an update. Have a nice weekend.


  1. I hope the weight on your shoulders lessens some. It sucks to feel overwhelmed like that, but you can make it through :)

  2. Okay, well, i'm not really into umm feminine bleeding so I kind of didn't read after i got behind the first sentence.

    but hey! Wanted to say hi!

  3. I am the same way. I Googled Spiraling into the abyss and I found this blog. So now what?