Sunday, February 28, 2010
How do you know when the one you love my be (unknowingly) taking advantage of your good natured-ness?
How can you escape, or rather overcome being the giver; and maybe get a little of that long over-due appreciation?
You demand it. Well... not exactly. But you have to make your point, loud and clear.
I've been the girl who aims to please, and gives and gives, while whoever I'm dating takes for granted how caring I am. I enjoy making their life easier, and when the relationship is all new and shiny I don't notice that the other person does less and less for me. Then, when the sparkle finally leaves their eye I realize I'm not getting my fair share in this relationship. I'm being walked on, whether the person realizes it fully or not.
What I (and you) need to do is fall in love with yourself. Love who you are, and realize that no one should ever treat you like less then the person you love deserves to be treated. When your best friend is in a relationship you can see everything with Mr. Wrong and point it out, but why not in our own relationships? Why do we let things slide, and then slide again, brushing it off as "out of character" or "they had a rough day"? Why do we let those who we want to make happy treat us like poo?
Shouldn't the ones who we love, love us back? They say they do... why don't they show us too?
This is just a thought. It has some to do with David, A LOT to do with Malcolm and Curtis (both past disasters I put myself through) and Andi (my best friend from the high school years). I was used, trampled on, and hurt so many times. I was confused and only tried harder to please someone I should have just let go. They made me feel like I could never be good enough, so I felt like I could never be good enough.
It's one of those things where you live and you learn. It sucks to always feel like you're on the back burner, and that no one will ever want you as much as you want them. That's a lie. That person is out there, waiting for you and wanting to make every day of your life better. Believe in that person, and know that once you find them, you'll know. You won't have to change them, just like you won't have to change for them.
Love isn't a game. It's a constant trial and error process that eventually winds up being perfect. But when it's not perfect, it's not worth anything.
Call me a hopeless romantic, call me a fool. But I believe in love. I believe in people. And I believe that you need to make mistakes before you can do it properly. Do make your mistakes, but learn from them. And eventually it'll all be perfect.
Friday, February 26, 2010
First, I followed the easy steps found here. This project is super fast. It took me all of about 15 minutes.
First, I broke the flowers off the stem and decided where I wanted to put it on the headband and made a small mark. I got a needle, threaded it, and put the first flower over the spot. Then I remembered to take a picture.
Next I sewed the second flower on. I made sure to arrange it opposite the other to look full. And luscious. And these flowers look like they could be either blue or purple. They're purple. Just in case you were dying to know.
It took me about three stitches per layer to get them to stay properly. The crafty lady from Home Made By Jill only used 2 per flower layer, but I'm probably rougher with my hair accessories, and felt three was perfect for me.
After I sewed 3 flowers on I felt like it looked good enough. I have short hair, and a small head. I didn't want to be excessive.
The last step is to put that strange plastic thing back in the middle of them to make them look like they have normal flower reproductive parts...
Did you know flowers are both boys and girls? And they need bees to spread the boy parts of the flower (pollen) with the girl parts of another flower. That's pollination for ya folks. Flower sex. You never knew why they called it "the birds and the bees" did you?
Biology lesson done.
So glue that strange bit on, hot glue works best and if you're anything like me you'll be picking the glue strands out of your hair, teeth, clothes... for hours to come. Hot glue is amazing, and amazingly messy.
Next put it on your head and admire how beautiful you are. You can even pretend you're somewhere that didn't just get a fresh coat of snow, and you won't have to wake up 10 minutes early tomorrow to scrape off your ice coated windows...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
And who can blame me? With all that amazing stuff out there...
So, here are the lovely things I've been distracted by lately, and I promise to post more, hopefully with some of my own:
Pumpkin wontons , from the Steamy Kitchen!
I love pumpkin, and I love anything deep fried, especially in a wonton.
Or how about this cute little bag from MADE?
They say it is a "candy bag" however I'd probably just use it as wallet, or a purse.
I really want to make a flower head band. The idea is from Homemade By Jill.
Or these slippers? In adult size of course.
They are from this blog.
I most of all want to make this! I already bought the hole punch. I just need to find a frame. I don't want to spent $25 (can you believe how expensive frames are??)
I also bought sewing for dummies. I got a machine about 5 years ago and have never really taken it up. I have the time now, and I really want to make things like this.
Or this. But what really made me start looking through blogs, and that eventually snowballed into me forgetting to write for a while was this:
I've been cooking and Sunday night I got dough everywhere, including my clothes. I wanted an apron. I want to make one with fun fabric that is uniquely my own. It'll be spectacular. I really can't wait.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I am madly in love with my best friend of 6 years. He is amazing. He is strong. He is handsome. He is gay.
When we started dating I was 16, he was 17. We've been through so much I can't even imagine my life without him. I love him as a friend, and I know that if we hadn't dated and I didn't fall in love with him and then our relationship took another even more deeply profound direction, I would not be the same person I am today. His coming out ripped my heart out. But it taught me how to be accepting and loving. I need him as much as he needed me. He is my soul mate. I'm so lucky to have him.
2) What gets in your way the most?
My lack of interest. I try, but I'm lazy. I'm smart, and lazy. I know what I want, but if it gets to hard or tedious I stop. Because I have the mindset that I shouldn't have to work that hard for something. I'm my own worst obstacle..3) What is your most bittersweet memory?
Huh... I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
When I was a senior we had our end of the year choir concert when that seniors could sing a solo if they wanted, even if they were bad singers. My dear dear friend (at the time... we sadly don't talk anymore, I don't know what happened) was singing and it was so heartfelt and beautiful. He played the piano for himself, and the song was his mothers favorite. I cried, actually sobbed. I cried because I was remembering all the times we cut class to hang out, play the piano, and make up songs together, we were complete goofs, we played board games till 2 or 3 in the morning, we pretended we were on a TV show and interviewed the people around us who just didn't get it... he was my most memorable high school friend. We had Freshman Gym together and I since had come from a private school I didn't know anyone and he and I just clicked.
I was so happy we'd made it that far and that we'd done it together. Him playing and singing was the end. I would give anything to hear him sing that song one more time.
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.
For the first 20 years of my life i hated tomatoes. I mean hated them. Now, I love them. I love them so much I eat them plane, or with some Italian dressing. I can't eat a sandwich without one. Tomatoes are yummy!
This photo reminds me of the plants we had growing up. I hated to eat them, but I loved to grow them. Watching nature when you're a child is an amazing thing. I'm thrilled I now like tomatoes... I honestly can't picture a sandwich without one.
Monday, February 22, 2010
All I can say is that those delicious fruit beverages have hidden powers. All you taste is yummy, but sooner than later you know that whatever is hidden in them is pretty powerful...
Saturday night we were scheduled to play Dungeons and Dragons, but three out of the 7 canceled... so we didn't play. 2 of the 3 people canceled about 5 minutes before they were supposed to be there, so David and I had already ordered Chicken and JoJo's (double yumm, I love me some jojo) so I ate my yummy dinner then bolted for my friend Emmi's house while the boys played some video games.
Later that night I went out to Bobby's mothers 50th birthday party, which was totally fun. I love when parents get drunk... it was really nice to see her and celebrate her birthday.
This is not mine, I didn't have my camera last night, but it looked about the same.
It took some time, about 2 hours, but I bet that the next time I make it it'll be much quicker.
Did I mention my gooey doughy hands that left tracks all over the kitchen?
I don't care. I was happy to cook. I had fun, it was delicious, and It's good practice. Next time I'll get thinner steaks, because the one I had was really thick, and took quite a bit of the cooking time. And I have never made steak before, so I was really happy with the way things turned out.
But if it's wrong, why stay? Especially if the other person isn't willing to work with you.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I need something, anything to make me feel better, important, loved. I need someone who just wants to make me happy for a change, instead of me doing it all. Or feeling like I do it all.
Aren't relationships supposed to be fun? Aren't you supposed to feel like what you do for the other person matters enough for them to want to do things back?
Isn't the point of dating to share, and to feel completed by the other person?
Is it really that much to ask for you to follow through with your promises in a reasonable amount of time? For you to listen to me like I listen to you? For you to help me, and not stand there watching, then saying I look cute so I can't shouldn't get upset?
Well, I am upset. I don't like cooking, then cleaning up, then doing the dishes. I don't like waking up this morning and seeing your dishes still in the living room, especially when I did all the rest of them without any help on your part.
I don't like you thinking that a kiss on the neck once or twice a day is enough for me. It's not. I want to feel loved, and it's your responsibility to show me, not just tell me when I'm lying next to you crying.
Show me you love me by listening to and being interested in the things that are important to me, like I listen and am interested in the things that are important to you.
Show me by going out of your way, out of your comfort zone, out of your schedule to do something to make me happy; because I am almost always thinking of ways to make your life better or easier or more fun.
I want you to say thanks, often, and I want you to show me you're thankful. Just saying I'm important isn't enough, I need to feel it. And if you think you're showing me, but I still don't feel like it's enough you need to do it better, or differently, or more. Because I deserve that.
I deserve to be with someone who wants to make me feel loved, even if it takes a little work on their part, because I'm willing to bend over backwards for you if you show me your appreciation.
I don't really think it's all that much to ask to be shown love. I show you. I tell you. You know it. I want to be shown too.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Well, you may not remember, because I may not have said it to you, but I know anyone who actually knows me knows I hate cooking.
I have a confession, and don’t tell my mother or my sister. Well, you can tell them, because my little sister knows, I told her last night while we were driving to her house to get her shoes because she is dumb and thinks 12 inches of snow in Ohio means you wear flats with no socks… but here is the scoop.
I’ve been cooking, and I’ve been having fun.
I’ve been having fun cooking.
I just used the words ”cooking” and “fun” in the same sentence without the phrase “isn’t the least bit” in between…
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME????
I figured out what ruined cooking for me all those years, and what has turned me on to it. I like cooking alone. I like to be in a kitchen, by myself without anyone else there to watch or help or annoy me just with their presence… and I LOVE a big kitchen. All my life my older sister was right there, or my mother, watching every single cooking project, even once I was old enough to understand how to use an oven or stove without melting, catching fire too, or burning anything. I also have a terrible small kitchen in my house, my mothers house, and in the apartment I lived in for a year. There is no counter space, you can reach the fridge from the stove without having to take a step, there is no room to cook.
However, in Davids house he has a wonderful kitchen, one designed with people who are mildly claustrophobic in mind. There is an island that has two different heights, tons of counter space (my mother and sister are also notorious pack-rats, there is literally NO room to work in their kitchen… sorry guys, of you ever read this), a high ceiling, lots of light, and it is a beautiful canary yellow which is a brain stimulating color. I’m in there and I want to play around, I want to fill the house with delicious smells, I want to cook!
Wow, now that that is off my chest I feel better.
I plan on playing with food, and making things that are yummy now that I have full use of a wonderful kitchen and will be sharing my joys with you from now on. If all goes as planned I will be making sweet potato fries or a fun-fetti cake tonight. I know that neither of those things are complicated, but I’m going to church and won’t be back till late.
I am a huge fan of The Pioneer Woman and last week I made her Crash Hot Potatoes and Perfect Potatoes au Gratin which were both delicious (I must admit I didn’t use heavy cream, I’m allergic to heavy cream. I just used 2% milk, it has less lactose). I really want to make the mac and cheese, (she only has about 8 recipes for that) and chicken salad.
*Side note, it’s ash Wednesday. Did I mention I’m Lutheran? I’ve decided for my health and the betterment of my body to give up “Fast Food” (this does NOT include subway or Panera) and try to cut out “Fried Food” if not completely purge my body of all the gross stuff that makes me feel gross and huge.
Although I really want to make these, don’t tell anyone.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I woke up, cleaned the kitchen, had some honey nut Cheerios, and played with my new gift:
That's right ladies and gentleman, I received a kindle for valentines day, and I am oober excited!! I already downloaded 19, you heard me right 19 books, 18 of which were free. David gave me the Kindle complete with All 7 harry Potters, The Lord of the Rings, The Belgariad, Twilight, and some Stephen Kings. So, I am now embarrassed for spending so much money on books last week, when most Kindle books are under $10. But, whatever.
David loved his gifts, he can't wait to take them to work and show is mates, and I don't feel bad about not sending any money on him (he gave me his old Kindle, he bought himself a new one). So all worked out for the best!
For dinner we're making taco salad, crash hot potato's, and lots of dirty dishes! Hope your Valentines was all you oped it would be.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Thanks Bobby, for showing me how to love. I really appreciate it.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Cute boots that cover more of my legs than my regular ones, because I need that, since the snow is more than knee high in some places.
Warning: do not take photos from a moving car...
Pretty Icicles hanging from my house.
Sorry Cedric, you didn't stand a chance (poor poor garden gnome).
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Great news! For the first time in my life I won something! Yay! And it's a BOOK! Double yay!
The ladies over at Edifying and Edgy held a contest (see here) and I won it! (see here)
More news: I was once again pretending to be a photographer. If you'd like to see my Valentines week entry for I heart Faces please follow this link. If you'd like to see other peoples entries follow this one.
(I obviously don't want you to continue reading this since I keep sending you on multiple adventures. I apologise.)
My "project of love" as it will hence forth be known is underway. David and I decided not to do gifts for valentines day, which is awesome since I never know what to give a guy on V-Day anyways (except maybe a little of my V... tee he, oops this is a G-Rated site) and I have no dollars to spare in the name of love. So, I decided to make him some fun little paper crafts, and since he is apparently allergic to my blog (and he only really knows about this one) I'm posting my intentions and completions.
I finished this little guy last night. He is Dracula, or my "robot-doing" version of such. I made him! He is a paper craft I got from this site (this is the download I printed), I now realize I glued his hands on wrong... oops. Whatever, mine is just as cute.I will also be making him a Zombie and Frankenstein, all from the same site, because nothing says "I love you" like the undead.
I should make that into a shirt.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
I was a bad girl and spent $45 of my hard earned dollars on Barnes and Nobel today (this is after my 10% off coupon code) because I had a $25 dollar gift card...
So, after those books we purchased, and let me just say that they were all necessities, I now have a few more to add to my must acquire list.
Ruined: A Novel by Paula Morris
Freak Show by James St. James
The Dark Divine by Bree Despain
If you're in a giving mood you should give me one (or all) of these books.
I'm probably stopping at the library sometime soon. I can't afford my addiction...
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Well, here you have it ladies and gents: My gift to you
Go to barnesandnobel.com, and enter this coupon code at check out! -> L7D4K3X
There, now you know I love you.
Hurry, offer expires 2/14
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
MMMmmmmmm, I love potato's!
Cheesy Twice-Baked Potato's with Hamburger
What you'll need:2-4 Large Russet Potatoes
Hamburger Meat (about 1/4 lb)
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Butter & Milk
Sour Cream & Chives (Optional)
Turn oven to broil
Slice potatoes in half long wise and cook in microwave 6-7 minutes or until fully cooked. Brown the gopund beef in skillet
Scrape the inside out of the potato
Mix in a bowl: potato, meat, cheese, a small amount of butter, milk and sour cream, chives, salt & pepper.
Place mixture back into the potato shells.
Bake in oven until crispy and brown on top about 10 minutes.
Serve with Salad or Vegetable of Choice
Photo credit: Cellach
Recipe Courtsy of Living Locurto....................................
Crash Hot Potato's
12 whole New Potatoes (or Other Small Round Potatoes)
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
Kosher Salt To Taste
Black Pepper To Taste
Rosemary (or Other Herbs Of Choice) To Taste
Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add in as many potatoes as you wish to make and cook them until they are fork-tender.
On a sheet pan, generously drizzle olive oil. Place tender potatoes on the cookie sheet leaving plenty of room between each potato.
With a potato masher, gently press down each potato until it slightly mashes, rotate the potato masher 90 degrees and mash again. Brush the tops of each crushed potato generously with more olive oil.
Sprinkle potatoes with kosher salt, fresh ground black pepper and fresh chopped rosemary (or chives or thyme or whatever herb you have available.)
Bake in a 450 degree oven for 20-25 minutes until golden brown.
Photo courtesy of White Forge Photography
Recipe from The Pioneer Woman
Monday, February 1, 2010
Yes, I'm the middle, 21 months younger than the oldest, 5.5 years older than the youngest. My older sister was slightly bigger than I was my entire childhood, so I got everything she no longer fit into, whether I wanted it or not.
2) If you were to have the voice of any media personality, whose would you choose?
The black guy from Trans Siberian Orchestra, only for singing though. I love that deep raspiness that I'll never be able to have because 1. I'm a girl, and 2. I'm a GIRL! But I'd have his singing voice and the guy from the Allstate commercials talking voice. I want to sound like a black man.
I'm getting a visual and it's really funny right now.
3) Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares every night for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?
Yes, for a few reasons. I feel like nightmares, just as all types of dreams, reveal something about yourself; and I am always curious to find out what I can learn about myself and my true desires from my dreams. I know some dreams are just dreams, but most tell something more if we really look into them. And I know for a fact that being poor (because I am right now, story of a 21 year old girl) can lead to uneasiness in itself. I wouldn't give up dreaming fr anything. And 365 nights of rough sleep would be totally worth financial security for the rest of your life.
And if they are really that awful, you will be able to afford therapy because of your wealth.
I'd do it in a heart beat.
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.
I know I am not the only one who thinks this, but it is very mid-evil looking to me. I think of Lord of the Rings. The peaks in the right side of the photo are reminiscent of a castle. It also reminds me of Chronicles of Narnia. I Love fantasy, and I love the way that this real life place reminds me of everything I wish was real.