Thursday, May 19, 2011

blame it on the booze

My little sister told me the other day I need to blog more... and because she is taller than I am and a little scary, I have to do what she says.

In light of recent events in my life that I haven't blogged about, I shall continue with the 30 days of truth, and I'll start with a few little stories.

1. I actually turned in a paper yesterday saying this:
 It was a paper about budgeting and where my money goes, so it was okay that I wrote this (see why teachers love me? I keep them on their toes), but it's true. I waste money on drinking.
Alcohol: another big dollar waster. I am not going to stop drinking, that is silly; I am only twenty-two, but I need to not go out as much. Drinking-out is exponentially more expensive than drinking-in, and when you drink-in you do not risk you or anyone you love deciding to drive intoxicated. Drinking-in is smart and fiscally responsible. I will not be drinking out any time in the near future.

2. I got very drunk a few weeks ago and kept calling someone named Caleb, Kyle.
Yes it was because I couldn't get him off my mind, yes drinking makes me randy and being randy makes me think of him, yes, Caleb is Tom's friend which means every time I did it I got a look from him that was a mix of anger and being hurt. Not to mention that during this drunken evening I kissed Merry and made out with her ear and neck area, in front of everyone. Sometimes I just don't know about myself.

3. A few more weeks ago I went to a bar with Merry to celebrate her being-twenty-one-ness. Not so long into the evening I was unable to find her because a) I was drunk at this point even though I tried not to because I was driving home and b) she had found a gentleman suitor who major fancied her and had her up against a wall (don't worry, she liked it) and was making friends all over the place (and goo goo eyes at some cuties who were making goo goo eyes back.) I was also dancing with people I don't even remember their names, some guy tried to take me home, the bouncer (who I may or may not have previously made out with once or twice) kept taking my modesty bandanna (modesty: the bandanna covers my too much cleavage when I wear low cut shirts) and turning it around so that it was no longer helping me keep the girls under cover. I made out with some girls neck so she would give me a cigarette, then I made out with her ear so she'd give me a light... then I flirted with the bar tender and got free drinks for me and my smoking friend.

Needles to say, I'm a fucking class act when I drink, and while I am not entirely proud of all of these moments, they provide good blog material and even better stories to tell the next time I get drunk.

So, how do I feel about drugs and alcohol?

Alcohol is my friend. It makes me happy and lets me forget how to be normal. When I am uncomfortable (say, all those first dates I went on back in my match dot com days) a drink or three makes me even funnier than I already am and less nervous to talk to people. It also makes me warm, and coming from an Ohio girl, trust me, you can't put a price on being warm.

Alcohol also makes other people funnier, and society less tragic. I laugh so much when I drink, and since I've been drinking people don't know its at them. I love people when I drink, sober I just feel sad for them.

But I do not think that under age people should drink. That includes you little sister. I'm old enough and smart enough to know my limits, know when things could potentially get dangerous and therefore leave, and am not suffering from Misunderstood Youth Syndrome (that thing angsty teens have between 14 and 20ish where their parents are idiots and no one wants them to be happy or understands them) so I am not reckless when I drink for the sake of being reckless. I am legally allowed to drink, which also means that I run no risk of getting in trouble for having a drink in my hand (provided I am not walking down the middle of the street) and I know how to keep my legs closed and my shirt on, (and if I decided to not do those things, I'm fully aware of the consequences so I make damn sure there is a condom between me and whoever’s boy part I decide to play with for the evening).

I don't regret my decisions, I don't drive intoxicated, I am older and wiser, and that is why 16 year olds are not allowed to drink.

Booze are fun, in moderation and with intelligence, as long as the individual has a real horizontal drivers license.


  1. I like moderation and I like booze so I tend to just make those two make-out with each other. Generally, though, I have to be in a boozey mood to drink and it doesn't really happen TOO often. :)


  2. I love alcohol too, for all the reasons you described.

    And I agree: drinking out is too damn much money.

    I have a pretty good job and a house and stuff and I still can't afford it. I look around at these people clubbing and drinking and I think: where do you get the money. Nine dollars for a drink?

  3. There is no way I could ever date without booze. EVER. I would just buy 80 cats right now, become a hoarder and give up completely if they took away my precious wine? Do I have a problem? Likely.