Tuesday, March 22, 2011

the city is THE city...

New York was surprisingly one of the most relaxing vacations I've ever had, and that's saying something because last year I went to the beach and spent the majority of my time drunk. However, last year I had just broken up with David and the predominantly drunk thing made me despondent and emotional.

Going by myself turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

On Friday and Saturday I stayed in Adrienne's apartment while she worked/went apartment hunting (I was going to join them for that but the hang over was so intense I slept till four in the afternoon (evening...?) and didn't even care) and rested, watched TV, made grilled cheese, skyped with Tom, enjoyed being alone.

I didn't anticipate how refreshing it would be to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and not have a crying baby, and intrusive mother, a sister who is always expecting things from me... so so nice.

Not to mention much girl talk was had. Adrienne is one of the greatest friends I've ever known, and I am glad I got to offer her my womanly opinions on things like good blow jobs, dating from the Internet (and how more than one guy is totally acceptable), how to make french fries, and other girl centered things like hair and clothes and getting our ears pierced again and potentially our next tattoos. We went to a bar that the main form of entertainment besides wildly over priced drinks ($3 for a diet coke (I was done drinking at this point because of the 26+ hour hang over I was experiencing and ka-razy bad heartburn) was a piano player who played show tunes and everyone in the bar sang them. And I do mean everyone. Obviously it was 'mo central, but there were old people, young people, the annoying NYU "I'm an amazing singer who just happens to not be performing right now for one reason or another" types, and then me and Adrienne who love show tunes but don't know them all. It was heaven. I want to start one of those here but I know it wouldn't work.

I sang karaoke at a bar with zebra print couches and odd disco lighting in Christmas colors; that was an experience. I figured that karaoke in NYC would have a better quality of singers than that of lil ol' Stow Ohio, but it didn't. They were just as bad. And, because I'm a lush the tab for the two of us there was over $75... I don't want to talk about it.

I got to see this amazing free improve show with real famous people in it. Do you watch 30 Rock? Lutz and Blonde girl... I saw them for real and in person and it was the best thing ever. We waited in line in the relatively cold evening air for about an hour and a half, got our free tickets, went to a bar (totally empty too, that's what happens on a Sunday night I guess) and flirted with the bar tender who gave us a total of three beers and four shots for $18... that's exactly why wearing low cut shirts and having a great personality will get you pretty much anything you want in life... including free booze which probably shouldn't be so high on my priority list, but whatever.

After the show I bought pop tarts and I think that giving people them as a souvenir will be funny.

My camera is either broken or all the batteries I brought for it were dead... both are a possibility because I didn't buy the batteries so I'm not sure. Basically, the photos I have are crappy because I couldn't take any in the dark (and when you sleep till 4 most of your time spent doing interesting things is in the dark (hey-o!)) and I couldn't get anything better than crap so I stopped trying after one minute.

Patient, I know. I deserve an award or something.

 You can't really tell but in the last two the skyline is in the background. Besides the smell and the fact that the water tastes bad and strange people talk to you when you make eye contact with them, everything was absolutely perfect. I had Chinese food delivered and it was hands down the best General Tso's chicken ever. It was only made better by it's arrival via. delivery guy on a bike. The flavors were perfect and you could actually taste the butter (pretty American, but still, perfection). The pizza we had delivered was also from the Lord. The sauce... oh my, the sauce. I'll never be able to recreate that, but that won't stop me from trying. I had the best sushi as well, and I don't really complain about any sushi but there was this salmon, perfectly spiced, with mango... I don't think I've ever been as excited to eat something in my entire life.

I ordered a pomegranate martini in the sushi restaurant and was disappointed when it didn't taste like the POM Sake Martini from Ruby Tuesdays, but like I said before, I'll just have to go back and ask them how it's made. I did grow a pair and drink a few beers, and by a few I mean probably five or six over the weekend. Guinness, Sam Adams, some special New York Boston type brew, I am now a man with chest hair and a sack and everything.

You're welcome for that visual.

The men in New York far surpass all the men anywhere else ever. Their clothes, their faces, the way they walk... all make me swoon to the point of missing steps and almost running into things.

Oh, hahaha, I did actually fall down the step (note: one) into a guy. I opened a door inside a building and there was a step I didn't expect to be there. he caught me, I pretended I wasn't mentally handicapped, and moved on. Too bad he wasn't as cute as some of the others.

The black men mostly were such good eye candy (whiteys too, but I'm not a big fan of the hipster look and it falls so short in comparison to tall, very dark business man in a shirt and tie). It must be the bad tasting water that makes them look so suave.

New York is beautiful in a completely different way than the things I missed about home (birds chirping in the morning, the smell of grass and trees, good tasting water from the tap). I love that driving is really not an issue. I love that there are always things to do within walking distance and most other people are walking too. I love that everything delivers (did I mention that liquor stores do too? We didn't have it delivered, but it was an option). I love that the food was so much better. I love that pretty much no one has children there and everyone has a dog. I got some good face time with a few of them and they are all nice and used to people because they're surrounded. I love that everything is fast, but you don't have to be.

You can sit in corners and eat or read and no one will bother you, your food comes much faster at places to eat even if they are packed, you can pretend to be deaf or French or just tell people to Fuck off if they are annoying you. Designated drivers are not necessary. You don't have to dress a certain way or look a certain way because literally no one cares about you (this could be construed as positive or negative) there are coffee shoppes everywhere. There are places to get hot, fresh waffles on the street corners. Dan Radcliff was in the city at the same time, although I never saw him, knowing he was so close was warmth to my little heart.

I met Italians (very rude actually, I could have punched them) and an English girl (she took us to our table once) and a boy who made fun of suburban kids and said we hang out in the woods all the time (which is only half true). I got oggled by construction workers and judged by gay men. I called people idiots for stopping in the middle of the side walk and felt like I could really belong there if I wanted to...

Then I went home. On the way I saw the rolling foot hills in Pennsylvania and llama farms that made me appreciate my rural(esque) living. I imagined owning the silos and having the cows for my own (I want to be the pioneer woman for reasons other than being the owner of a mega famous blog). I smelled the fresh (thank God) air and didn't see garbage littering all the streets for the fun of it. I got to enjoy all the things I love about not living in the city.

I know why I love Ohio, and I know why I love New York, and albeit for completely different reasons, I don't think justifying any of it is necessary. I talked to a man today who said NYC wasn't a vacation, that Colorado and hiking and white water rafting were vacations, but I don't care (look, I've got the New York-er mindset already) if he doesn't agree with me. I loved it, I loved seeing my girl friend, I loved spending less than two hundred bucks for five days away from home, I loved getting to go out and see things and meet people. White water rafting is fun, I've done it. Hiking is also fun, but the city is THE city, and I love it just how and where it is.


  1. Dude. This sounds so great!!!! :D I'm glad you had a lot of fun!!! I'll be home on Thursday instead of Monday because I'm a sick-o now and I need sleeeeeeepppppppp....so we'll have to chat :) Also, I'm on the radio tomorrow (wednesday) from 12-2 your time. It's www.smucradio.com click on the listen live button. Love you!

  2. I've been to NYC once, but it was with my family and only for a day. I would like to go back like you went and just enjoy the city in general as opposed to going to touristy places.

  3. I always thought I'd like visiting NYC, now I know for sure!