I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I have been trying to do things for myself before I head back to school, little things I won’t be able to do while I’m in school for lack of time, money, whatever. I've boon cooking things that take quite a bit of time, I've been reading hard core, and I planned a trip to New Yoke City, which I'll be arriving on St. Patrick’s day and getting my drink on (so hard).
I'm in dire need of a break from my life right now and while being in the city probably isn't going to help me relax like say, a beach might, it won't be filled with spring breakers and I'll be surrounded with people who are as anxiety filled as myself, which will mean I won't be laying there trying to relax, it means I'll be able to embrace my inner crazy and not stick out like a sore thumb. Also, being alone in New York (Adrienne will be there, but I am not taking anyone else) is a lot better than anywhere else because there's shit to do and you can do whatever you want. I want to do so much.
I don't want to lay drunk on a beach for however many days, because I don't think I could properly relax; I think I would be miserable if I was trying to do nothing. I need to do something to take my mind off my mind. Like see a musical, and get so drunk I forget my own name.
The bus ride there and the bus ride back will be an adventure; I'm sure of it. Mostly because I've decided that I will take a sleeping pill, and in doing so I will insure that I don't have to pay attention to how anxious I am thinking that the bus won't end up in New York (chuck that on top of the irrational anxieties pile), although I took one last night and decided to read while trying to sleep, and since the Dresden files are so full of thrilling battles and immensely thrilling moments, it didn't help me sleep at all... so I had to stop reading and I'm not sure if I'll be able to fall asleep if everything is super hyped up. I mean, we are going to New York City; it's kind of a big deal.
My mother needs to go. Now. Yesterday. Three months ago.
I sight with her almost every day, and it's absolutely horrific. I can't stand it, it needs to stop, and she needs to grow up and get the fuck out. Really, living with your daughters, causing me more stress than I already have, and doing so for the sole purpose of avoiding your marital issues is the worst example of good parenting I've ever witnessed from my mother.
Well, other than the time she threatened to put me up for adoption for being such a horrible child... and then when I told her they'd take all of us she didn't like that so she handed me the phone and the phone book and told me to call them right now. I joke that scare tactics are good for teaching, but they really aren't.
Aren't mini posts fun?
I met Tom's entire family this weekend, and his birthday was yesterday. His family likes me, but my anxiety basically made me think they were going to tar and feather me. I love his little sister, she's amazing. She writes Harry Potter fan fiction, and if that doesn't tell you how perfectly geeky she is I don't know what will. She also wants me to help her sing. So much love.
I had a Guinness, and I drank the whole thing which anyone who has ever been out with me will attest to, I pretend to like beer, order it, then give it away because I really do not like beer. But, when you're in a room full of men and they are related to the guy you fancy on multiple levels, you take the Guinness, say you like it, then drink it like you've had one every day of your life since you were eight.
Also, ice cream cake! I love DQ cake, its perfection.
Tom's family events are officially way more fun than my own, and it may have been because my mother wasn't there and I wasn't steaming and resenting her and trying to leave as soon as possible without seeming rude. But, seriously: I had a blast and I am pretty sure they like me.
I have a huge hunger for either Fiesta Lime Chicken or something similarly cheesy and crunchy. Sometimes I worry about my cravings; if I didn’t know better I’d think I was knocked up. I am seriously concerned about what I’ll actually be like if I ever do decide to get pregnant. Normally I end up eating things like potato chips in icing (please don’t judge me) or other ridiculously salty thinks with ridiculously sweet things (bacon in maple syrup, which you must admit is a bit more normal). Other times (like the last two weeks) all I’ve wanted was pizza slash tomatoes slash something that would taste like pizza and or tomatoes. For breakfast on Sunday I made tomato soup and grilled cheese… this was at about 8 in the morning (7 if you’ll remember the time sprung forward) and it was the most amazing breakfast I’ve had in a while.
Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow after my therapy appointment. I haven’t had one in two weeks and I am thinking I may need to go back to weekly… I have so much that is on my plate right now and not having a home environment where I can relax is making my life miserable. I will post once I’m back from New York and I promise to have photos and everything. Have a good week loves.