I wouldn't go back, not for all the money in the world.

The other day my best friend and I were talking about being a little kid and the silly things we thought.

I know I remember having silly thoughts, but at the time they were so logical to me.

Being a kid is funny. Remembering things after you’ve grown, makes it a lot funnier.

I remember when someone would drop their lunch (or forget it) and they would start to cry because they were so hungry and they had nothing to eat. Then, when a teacher would see them crying, they would give them lunch from the cafeteria and be that kids hero for life. No wonder everyone loves their elementary school teachers. They solve such huge problems, with little to no effort.

On new years David and I decided to buy (among WAY too much alcohol) sparkling grape juice to toast with as a joke since we figured we’d be plenty intoxicated by then and a glass of juice would do us some good. Well, as 11:55p rolls around, I asked if he remembered how cool we felt when we were younger drinking sparkling grape juice pretending it was campaign. Everyone did it, it was one of the fun parts of being a kid on new years, aside from being allowed to stay up late.

I remember being in 4th grade and telling my mom that the 1st graders were getting smaller every year. She insisted it was me getting bigger, but to me I was the same size. It was them that were smaller.

I also remember, even after sex ed (I went to private school, sex ed was basically an abstinence class mixed with a ”your changing body” class) that I thought “fertilization” was the boy peeing. When I learned it wasn’t pee I felt so stupid. Even now I feel stupid for that thought.
Recently I found a diary from grade school. I talked about being in love with 3 different boys on 3 consecutive pages. At least they got different pages, right? I destroyed that diary. It was painful to read, and my hand writing was atrocious. Not to mention I had drawn mermaids all over the whole thing, badly. I was a strange bird.

Once I accidentally kicked a kid between the legs, and thinking I was going to be expelled from school for doing it. I was at the top of the play equipment and did a somersault to the bottom, where a boy had moved to in the process. My imperfect landing got him a kick to the groin, with lots of momentum. I was in 1st grade. I was crying because he kept saying he would get me expelled. Obviously I didn’t even get in trouble since it was an accident; but I was scared for a few recesses after that.

I remember pretending to be that blind guy from Star Trek with my headbands, and getting my name on the board in kindergarten for it. My best friend at the time thought it was hilarious, so we both got in trouble and had to sit out for 5 minutes at recess for laughing in class.

Also, instead of getting your name on the board with check-marks after you were bad again, my kindergarden teacher wanted us to practice writing our names, so we would just write our name on the board two, or three times depending on how much we misbehaved.

I remember a weird boy in preschool used to use my toothbrush all the time, and the stupid monitors would let him because they weren’t labeled with our names. Now you have to understand, when I was younger I brushed my teeth probably 10 times a day. I loved doing it, and when I had to be at preschool for a whole half of a day and I couldn’t use my toothbrush because of some boy, I was very upset.

Anothe boy in kindergarden would steel my pencils and chew on them. Not just the end but all over them. My mom would give me a new pencil almost every day because I came home crying, over a pencil. They were the cool big ones, that are fatter and easier for a child to hold; but still. Oh the big problems we had.

I had a teacher who told us Goldfish crackers would swim around in our stomachs if we didn’t chew them properly. That one followed me till I learned about stomach acid. I hardly ever chew them anymore.

I recently read a book about the brain. It talks about human development, and how children don’t have the capacity to think about the future as we do yet; because that lobe of the brain develops last and you have to learn to use it as you grow. It’s interesting, because we try to teach children about consequences when they literally can’t fathom that concept yet. It’s also why children want to be things like dinosaurs, and purple rugs when they grow up. My little sister anted to be a crossing guard and a reign deer. They see life as it is, and it is to them a place full of possibilities. Not limitations, and not change. Children are funny. I’m glad I was one, and I get to have those memories, but I’m even more glad I’m past that.