sometimes I think I'm bipolar

Once in a while, strike that, more like almost weekly I find myself thinking how god dammed crazy the shit that goes on in my head is. It's like watching myself have multiple life changing ordeals in one week, then the next it's like nothing happened.

I do get nervous talking about menstruating on this blog, I know some boys read it, I don't want to scare them away. Us bloggy girls need those few men in the blogosphere to still like us enough to come back... so I won't be gross, I'll just say one thing: my hormones are effed up.

I can be a perfectly normal human being for 3 whole weeks out of the month, but as soon as my body doesn't get knocked up it decides to take it out on everyone around me and turn me into a crazy bitch. I used to be able to control it when I was younger, I'd snap at someone here, cry a bit there... but I apologised almost instantly because i knew that wasn't me. I was nice, I wouldn't snap at someone.

cut to now

Every fucking month I turn into this raging bitch, I'm pretty sure the only fights David and I ever had were the week before my dot... and this last week I basically wrote off my best friend of 6 years over a slight misunderstanding. How the heck does someone go from a relatively normal human to a freaky weird, insane psycho version of herself every single month?

Why don't I take birth control you ask? Well, I tried it, but it gave me anxiety. Anxiety... more like random panic attacks brought on by things like the changing wind patterns, or a dust mote flying across my range of vision (in other words, no reason at all...)

I'm an ellipse whore... today it's really bad... I keep having to delete them and write something that constitutes as words... last one... promise...

So, the lady doctor, who happens to be a gent, says that if I get anxiety I can't really try a different brand, it won't matter. So I'm stuck with this craziness that I can really no longer anticipate or control and I don't exactly know what to do about it. People don't sit on a bed of moss anymore, and I'm not allowed to just stay inside for a week.

It's like I have the normal amount of girl emotions and they don't get released till one week (more like 5 hellish days from... well, Hell) then once they are used up I say I'm sorry and everyone in my life just thinks I need therapy and to suck it up. Other girls have menstruations, why can't I handle it like other girls?

Because I'm not "other girls" I'm me... and me is crazy.

At least you know now why about once every month my blog turns into "my life sucks... I can't go one... no one loves me..." and the rest of the time it's normal things like boobs, and poop (not together), and how amazing I am at life.

We will now continue with your regularly scheduled programing.

(I'm thinking that I will just pre-write all of next months blog posts and schedule them to go when I'll be feeling like I nutter, that way no one knows aunt flow is planning a visit.)