As in, I woke up every two hours wanting something but I not knowing what because I still haven't figured out how to control my bowels or any other body part and was in moderate distress mixed with mass amounts of confusion.
I think that regardless of how true that sentence is (I can control my bowels thankyouverymuch), it's a good one and I'm keeping it.
Yesterday I went to a real prescription type doctor to have my crazy looked at and I got some pills to help with anxiety/depression and a sleep aid. It was one of the happiest days of my life. And, to make all things better they were each only $4... I love Giant Eagle and their crazy cheap drugs.
It was a really unique feeling to have my own sleeping medicine with my own name on it. I may or may not sometimes borrow sleeping medicine from Bobby, but when (if) I do I sleep so well. David told me I was saying crazy things once about baking and such (however, if you knew that some/most of my dreams involve baking* you wouldn't think it's that crazy), which makes me feel good about myself. I am always curious of the crazy things that come out of my mouth while I am under the influence of a drug.
I recall one time getting far too drunk for someone of 19 and telling my older sister she needed to respect her body more and that it was a temple of the Holy Spirit... I guess the more alcohol I have the more Lutheran I am, unless I'm on my back (or knees)... which happens sometimes when I have lots of alcohol. I'm pretty sure that's why people do naughty things with the lights off, it's hard for Jesus to see you in the dark. I'm done now. And as far as my sister goes, if she had just listened to me there would be no baby to speak of... people need to just listen to me. It would make their lives so much easier.
So, I took my very own sleeping pill last night and fell asleep some time around ten (after texting a super wonderful boy from the match dot com's who I'll tell you about later; but for realz, he's awesome and we talked on the phone for over two hours on Wednesday night and he reads books and likes poetry but looks like a lumberjack, I think I'm smitten), which is far earlier than normal and although I did wake up a few times in the night, overall I feel much better this morning than I have in a while. I did have a strange dream though about sitting on a bridge/floating walking path in a park and taking pictures. It was good because I was taking really pretty pictures and I vividly remember seeing colors. Did you know not everyone dreams in color? And, it's a genetic mutation to remember your dreams? Like the ability to digest milk, not everyone can do it and we really shouldn't be able to do either.
All strange science facts aside, I know that no matter if the anxiety/depression meds work or not (I won't know for two to upwards of six weeks) that sleeping will make a huge difference in how I'm feeling physically and emotionally. I've been increasingly irritable lately and I know it's about half from dealing with the stress of living with my sister and her baby that cries far too much and having my mother think it's okay to be in my house all the time because it's easier for her to deal with her crap marriage from there than living with my step dad... and the other half from the fact that I haven't really slept properly for the last seven or eight months. If I can eliminate half of the stressors in my life causing me grief I may be able to deal with the other half in a mature productive fashion.
Oh, and I love my Psychiatrist, she is amazing. She laughs at my jokes, reacts to my stories, basically she is really involved in conversation whereas my Psychologist just sort of sits there and I have to ask for her input. It was an interesting experience and I actually though that I had fun when I was done, which is sort of weird, but I'm sort of weird so I'm okay with it.
*I had a very vivid nightmare a while back that my mother left out my brown sugar and it got all clumpy. It was horrible. I was okay though when I checked and realized the bag hadn't been opened yet and my world still had the capability of being brown and sweet