102988

hey everyone,

Just thought I'd make the announcement that today is my birthday!

I am 22, and loving it.

God gave me some lovely sex dreams last night, I slept in a bit, took an extra long shower this morning and have been doing nothing at work because I don't care. Holla!

Anyways, wish me happy birthday in the comments and we'll all be bff's forever.

Love you guys.

Have a happy halloween weekend, I am going as a drunk person. :)

credit

left overs that should be left behind

Lately I've been eating out a lot because it's just so much easier... and I get lazy every now and then.

So, last night I came home and wanted to warm up some things and stuff my face with pre-made already done food, but I was disappointed because most of the stuff tasted awful, and I was hungry with nothing to eat.

So, I thought I'd share with you what food you should either eat all of, or leave behind.

Nachos: nothing covered in cheese can be bad... unless it's day old cheese on soggy chips. Just say no. It's sad, I know, but unless you plan on eating it in the car on the way home, the process of getting cold then being reheated ruins them to the point of gross.

Salad, with dressing: I went to the OG and had the soup, salad, and bread sticks, and I came... I mean I love it a lot and it tasted very good. However, don't take the salad home. It's gross, even a few hours later. If you want to bring home salad don't put the dressing on it till later.

Anything fried: It'll probably taste okay microwaved, but it will never bee good enough. It's sad really.

Anything wrapped: I suppose this works the same as salad, because the tortilla/pita/bread substitute just gets soggy. And gross.

Now, since you aren't allowed to bring any of those things home, I'll tell you what you can bring home.

Anything Baked: potato, chicken parm, cheesecake. It's great reheated.

Chinese: this goes against my former anything fired rule because I don't know why. All Chinese food is great the second time.

Soup: duh, it's supposed to be soggy, you're set.

If you have any more things that I can order and take home tell me. I love to go out to eat...

I guess if people are quoting you you're doing something right...

I have been holding off on posting anything about my internet dating (mis)adventures because a fellow 20sb asked me to do a guest post and I figured it'd be a great intro to it, because after all, I am a bomb ass-writer.

Forgive me

That's the last time

However, she emailed me the posting list and I am not scheduled till next week... so I can't really hold off anymore.

Last night was my first date with the second person I've met from the site, and all I have to say is who eats ribs with a fork?

I think that should have been my sign this guy and I were not meant for each other. I want to date someone who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, especially for something as awesome as ribs.

And the chip on his shoulder is a bit larger than I would like to deal with. It's good to have reasons to keep on keepin' on... but there is no reason to be bitter.

I hope he doesn't read this.

Whatever, I don't care.

I'm going to give advice, maybe he should read it.

Tips for meeting someone for the first time:
    Don't tell them they look nervous. Obviously I'm nervous, we've never met before; you pointing it out makes me more nervous.
    Don't eat ribs with a fork. If you are that concerned with not getting messy, or whatever your reasons are, order something else that people normally eat with a fork. Similarly, don't eat pizza with a fork. We've all done it, but impress me with your ability to eat like a normal person. Thank you.
    Don't make me feel weird about arguing with my mother. I'm glad the relationship with your mother is perfect, but anyone over the age of 3 has gotten into a tiff with a parent or parent like figure, and you are the weird one for not doing that. No girl wants to date a mamma's boy, let us fall in love with you before you reveal your freakish connectedness with her.

a huge reason why girls like bad boys: they aren't still in love with their mothers.

Loving your parents is great, and I love mine so much more now that we don't share an immediate vicinity. I'm not weird. Don't make me feel like I am.
    Similarly, don't argue with me. I don't care if we disagree, I don't want to date myself, that's why I'm here with you; but I do not want to feel belittled or attacked for any of my opinions, no matter how different they are from your own.
    If you can't move on and over and be grateful for the lessons you've learned in life (including middle school) than please don't talk about it. I guess I'm very lucky because I can forgive and forget, and I know not everyone can do that; but let it go man. You like who you are, you are who you are because of what you went through, stop being Bitter Betty, she's very annoying.
    This is the most important thing: do not say the word awkward. It's never more awkward than right after you say the word. I don't care how awkward it is, it'll be made instantly worse when you say awkward.
   
After the date boy number two and I were texting, agreeing that things didn't go well and that we shouldn't try it again. We agreed to stay friends (although, he lives really far away, and we barely know each other, not sure how that will work considering he doesn't even know where Stow is...) and such. Through our texting frenzy I said, "I honestly just hate the idea of starting over. I want to start in the middle," and he put that us as his facebook status later that night. Yes, he put quotations around it, and yes he said truer words had never been spoken... but still. Is that weird to anyone else?

Maybe I'm just being a girl and analyzing every little thing.

Maybe I'm not really ready to date yet. I feel like I am. I thought this guy was special. I was so excited to meet him. We'd talked on the phone, texted till my thumbs hurt, flirted, agreed and such on so many things... but the spark, it just wasn't there. I guess the internet can't measure the level your pheromones will react to each other.

I have another date Thursday, this guy is 31... which seems like he might be a little old for me; but I turn 22 Friday so maybe 9 years won't be that much. I've heard of a lot worse.

tough ass-days

credit

There is nothing funnier to me than this right here... and it's because I'm twelve.

Thank you. Good bye forever.

I'm back.

I figured today would be a good day to continue with the thirty days of truth since I literally haven't written anything since last week (Monday's post was borrowed from my old blog that I recently re found (don't blog anywhere where they keep your content... they'll move it and you can't do anything about it) so its recycled...) and I feel like it. No more reasons necessary.

Why did I start out this post with the comic? Because the next question made me laugh for the exact same reason.

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Oh Band...

Dear Stow-Munroe Falls Marching band,

Seriously thank you. Thank you for teaching me proper musicianship, and helping my love of music grow. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to make real friends when I was a weird little private school kid and knew no one. Thank you for letting me lead a small group of young people as we gleefully marched across the field. Thank you for letting me swing dance my senior year so I got to skip morning practices at band camp. Thank you for band camp.

Thank you for being my second family, and thank you for loving me just the way I am.

High school is hard times... and through band I was able to see my potential, find people who really loved me, and blossom into the amazing woman I am today.

For that I am thankful.

I love you marching band, even when you're so ridiculous.

Denise



You can't see me in this because I was behind the sheet changing. SWING DANCE!!



look at the little guy

Update: Better picture.

 He's so fresh and new! I love him, I just wish he didn't sleep so much...

I'm going to be an aunt!

My older sister is currently in labor! Sort of... they are about to break her water... and soon I'll be the proud aunt of a tiny baby boy named Odin. I love him so much already, I'll be sure to post a photo once I officially get to meet him.

Yay!

Babies!!!

Uniquely “Denise”

Everyone has something about them-self that is unique. A birthmark, a love of all things yellow-orange (NOT orange-yellow), the ability to talk with their mouth closed (I can yell with mine closed, pretty impressive, I know…); but no matter what it is, it becomes unique when you decide to make it your own. I think the individuality comes from viewing something, be it common place or really out there, in your own individual light. Basically, something is unique when you make it your own.

This being said, I would like to share with you some of the things I find wonderful, some of the things I do because I’m me, and some things you may not have known about me.

I love to mess up the peanut butter. I get so much joy from being the first to stick my knife into that smooth surface and just mess the whole thing up. I also love doing this to regular butter, but peanut butter is better. I even dated a kid in high school who wouldn’t let his family open a new jar until I’d messed it up first. He was wonderful…

I love the feeling of pulling electrical tape off the roll. It’s something I’ve enjoyed sine I was a child. My dad was the only one with electrical tape, so I’m guessing it is because it was rare when I got to do this I associate the feeling with being special myself. It’s just so much smoother than regular tape. I love the smoothness.

When I’m done with a cup of tea, I like to swish the tea leaves in the bottom of the cup around like in Harry Potter and pretend to read my tea leaves. Not that I ever see anything, but I still do it, every time. I’m finishing a cup right now, being very careful to get the right swishing motion to tell my future accuratly.

When no ones watching I dance. When I’m in my car, I turn off my radio and sing. I cut my own hair. I’ve lost multiple phones to multiple freak water accidents (one was dropped into my dogs water dish). I am allergic to ice cream and cream cheese, but not milk. I read multiple books at once and keep them all separate in my mind, until I close my eyes and have wicked dreams. I like silence. I love the smell of chlorine. I’m a bed/blanket/pillow hog. I look like a perfect mix between my dad and my mom. I sound like both of my sisters on the phone. I love big sunglasses. I have perpetually cold hands. And feet. I either like my sleeves pushed up, or pulled down over my hands; I don’t like them just resting where they are. I hate the smell of ketchup, but I love it on french fries. I know the words to more Christmas songs than anyone else I know (however, I don’t know O’ Christmas Tree because that song annoys me so much). I don’t like to leave phone messages. I drive faster in the winter than the summer. I feel naked without my spoon ring.

I’m sure there are a million of people who enjoy things that I do, but I make them my own, as do you make your things your own. Be your own, and don’t conform. The most boring people you’ll ever meet are the ones who don’t know what makes them special. Something that makes you special is decided by you, and you get to decide whatever you want. So decide, and enjoy being yourself.
Then blog about it, so I can read it too.

it's more than okay to be gay

October 11 was national coming out day, and I wasn't sure how to go about celebrating it.

I watched Glee on Tuesday, and I think that there could have been a more positive gay message (this week and last) because Kurt is starting to make me sad... another post, another day

Besides that youtube and facebook have been blowing up about the gay teen suicides and how people are finally seeing that bullying kids (and adults) just because they're different is far mare damaging than you see on the surface.

But I needed to do more. On  my old blog (it no longer exists, don't blog anywhere that owns rights to your stuff, once you leave they'll destroy all evidence you ever existed) I had an entire page dedicated to why I am a Christian and love God and also have no problem accepting and loving homosexuals. I'm going to add that to my tabs after this because I first sent it to a friend of a friend who had come out to his strict catholic parents and was dealing with them not accepting him at all. He said it helped. I just want people to know that being whatever you are, religious or not, the main weapon people have against homosexuality is the Bible, and although it's a great source on loving one another and treating one another properly, it's not a scientifically sound document. You cannot use the Bible for what it isn't, and it's not science and it's not a message of hate. It was never meant to be. The golden rule isn't love your neighbor as yourself as long as you live in white suburbia and they look and act just like you.... It's love your neighbor as yourself. Period. End. No more. Judgment isn't love, no matter who it's directed at or where it's coming from.

And however religious you are, love is good. Love is the only thing that can't be argued (and it shouldn't need to be). There is nothing wrong with love.

My best friend is gay. And he isn't perfect, but who is? He can make me angrier than anyone else on the planet, and I him. But that just means that I love him more than anyone else too, because you only hurt as much as you loved, he is my other half.

No, I don't wish he was straight, I wish he was exactly the way he is. because to me, he is perfect. To me we're perfect together. Our relationship is as beautiful as it is because it's not clouded with lust. We're best friend because out hearts go together, and I love that he is gay.

But he face something I never will. He had to grow up knowing that he was "different" from what society thought he should be. He face ridicule, abuse, and hate thrown at him for no reason other than something he couldn't help one bit. He was different, and because of that he was made to feel smaller, wrong... unworthy of the love of God, or his peers.

Not true.

He deserves love just as much as anyone else.

The thing that hurts me most about the situation with the recent gay teen suicides is how young those kids were. It's also appalling that authority figures didn't do anything to stop the hazing although they were fully aware of it. What adult can look at a child, see their pain, see their agony and fear and do nothing?

I want to post a link to one of my favorite pro gay pro reading blogs (yay!). Today Lee Wind posted an article that he personally wrote to his local paper about where gay teen suicides start.

It's short and to the point, please go read it. Teen suicides (especially gay ones) can only be prevented if we start spreading a positive message about being different from the beginning. Racism, sexism, anything-ism that results from disliking and judging based on differences is a negative mark on our society. We're not homogeneous, we're a mix of all the things that make humanity beautiful; why do we have to belittle and step on people for the things that make them special? Why can't love flow instead? You don't have to understand something to appreciate it, but you do have to willing open your mind and decided that you're not going to fear the strange.

love notes thursday

I got a fax from my mother this morning. I guess since she can't write a note on a napkin and slip it in my lunch box this is the next best thing for her.

A fax... oh, mother.

blog awards

I've won some awards and I am lazy and haven't posted or done anything about them. So sorry.

Here I am accepting them.

Kate, over at Simply Kate, a gal with a profound love of blogging (seriously, she love this internet thing so much) thinks I'm lovely. Thus the lovely blog award.

My next award was from Alice over at Guys, Boys & Men. I like her because she is a good mix between all the crap I love about blogging, personal anecdotes, random advice you never knew you wanted to know and bits of hilarity. She gave me the Versatile blogger award which I guess means she likes me for similar reasons to me liking her. How romantic!

Good blogging is happening, and it's not just me.

I suggest that you not only follow these ladies on the bloggosphere, but they tweet, which in my opinion is great. Twitter is far better than facebook, because you don't have to follow anyone you don't want to and if people are boring (regular people are boring, there I said it. Bloggers know how to tweet, end of story). Kate is @ kateweber, Alice is @Alice_XO and I am @dhpotter (you thought I'd do a plug post without mentioning my self, pu-leeze). All obviously at twitter.com/username

In order to accept these I'm supposed to do a lot of things, and I hope no one gets mad when I say that I love you, but choosing who to pick and who not to pick makes me sad... so I'm giving it to everyone! If you're reading this right now, or you're not but I read you hiding under my blankets at night so no one knows how stalkerish I can be, I want you to have both. Take them, pin them to your shirt, throw away that red letter A and join me in celebrating the great blogger you are! Oh, you don't have a letter A? Huh, wonder where I got that from...?

Any way, please my darling readers, I like your writing, it keeps me occupied and happy. You guys deserve this.

The next part of it is listing things about myself that you may or may not know already, seven things to be exact. So here goes:

1. I wear two rings almost all the time, and for the past two days I wasn't wearing them because I forgot to put them on after a shower and I kept forgetting; so my fingers have been quite naked feeling. That's not the story, just background info. The story is that the skin under where my rings goes has been so well protected forever it seems that it wasn't happy about being in the open air and is now peeling. Lovely I know.

2. As time goes on I'm becoming more and more allergic to milk. The list of things I can't eat or drink now includes all sorts of heavy cream (alfredo sauce, ice cream, coffee creamer, home made whipped cream) and soft cheeses which is appalling because I love all of those things (not coffee creamer though) and can't eat them without feeling like someone is stabbing me from my large intestines and a lovely trip to the loo in which I hate myself and want to die.

3. I'm starting to really like my new car. I think that my favorite thing about it is the rear windshield wiper (it's been covered in dew every morning for the last week and the wiper has been nice) and the fact that I have driven about 380 miles on one tank of gas. Another thing I am really enjoying is the power. This thing is way better than my pos ford at speeding past people, getting in front of them and slowing down because they've pissed me off in some way. I hate when cars do stupid shit where they try to get into tight spaces and I can't get up fast enough to make them not be able to drive irresponsibly. Now I can. I like that power... *evil smirk*

4. I'm almost done with the 6th book in the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher and I can't say enough good things about it. I'm enthralled, in love, and in over my head. Something really crazy is happening and I am nervous. I hope they make it out alive! (they will, there are 11 books, I'm just nervous for minor characters I've started to love).

5. WTF was up with Kurt's "duet" last night? I know this isn't about me, but it's about my opinion on how Kurt is pissing me off. I love what Finn said to him about not understanding the meaning of "no", but Kurt, I love you. Be a good gay example and only go after the mo's... I personally loved the song he and Rachel sang at the end of the episode, love love loved it. Does anyone know when and if an album is coming out or if I have to buy them on iTunes? I would rather buy the CD if I can.

6. I'm getting back on my parents health insurance as of January first! I will be able to see doctors and get prescriptions and not live in fear of anything. My crappy health insurance is so shitty I am thinking about canceling it this month instead of in January... but just in case. It is better than nothing.

7. I'm coming out! I've been on match dot com and I am talking to people and I should be meeting two of my many suitors this weekend, one on Saturday (if all goes as planned) and one on Sunday! I'm more nervous about this than anything I've ever been nervous about for many legit reasons.

also, you may not know this about me BONUS: I get super bad gas when I am nervous. I've been taking gas-ex since HS for stage anxiety farts and I hope that it doesn't get out of control on my dates this weekend... no one wants to date a smelly girl.

My therapist and I have been talking about my thoughts and feelings and I told her I should just meet with someone I know it won't work with first so I can see that it really isn't the end of the world if stuff goes wrong. I also told her it would be good blog material, and the truth is I know you guys don't want to see me fail, but I have a talent for seeing things comically so I think shit could get hilarious up in here real fast. People are weird, I'm looking to embrace that weirdness.

I am just so freaking nervous. But, the men I've decided to meet seem really great and the dates I have planned are ones that will be fun regardless of who I go with.

There, I'm out. I didn't know how to tell you guys because I am weird and do weird things. I guess this seven things bit was a good chance for me to do it. Thanks ladies for the awards.

I really do love you guys, totally and for serious

Since I don't really feel like writing today tomorrow, or yesterday and the only way to get over writers block is to, well write; I will be continuing with the 30 days of truth biz that I've sort of let slip by the wayside. My most sincere apologies. I've just been in a funk (also, I am crazy right now,. My thoughts of this moment: periods are really gross, and I know I have think this every so often, but seriously, why the grossness?) and don't know how to get out of it.

my sister just texted me asking to go to olive garden... It's 9:55 in the morning, and I've never wanted olive garden more. She used to do this to me all the time when she worked at Starbucks at 4:30 every morning (some people are just crazy) and I'd have to remind her that restaurants don't open till 11. Gah! I hate this job. I want to be a kid again and be able to cut class and go to olive garden for soup salad and bread sticks.

So my next day o'truth is number 12

Something you never get compliments on

I never get compliments on my ability to speak Latin, but that's probably because I can't remember a thing from that class other than how to spell English words properly, so I guess that makes sense...

I suppose the purpose of this exercise it to think of something I really like about myself that may go unnoticed by others, and I don't know how lame it will be to talk about my blog on my blog... but that's okay, I've been accepting of my lameness for a while now.

My Blog

I love this little escape I have, this little world I've created. I love that I don't have to hide from it or fake happy with it. I love the people who read it and comment and inspire me to be better and do more. I love you guys. I love the friendships I've built and the lives I can touch (by reading and writing) that I never would have know otherwise. My real life friends and family don't read it (Ellen, Sri, you're obvious exceptions) and thus say nothing about it. Bobby will read it from time to time, but instead of anything good he just makes fun of me so something he thinks is quasi inappropriate, but I wrote it because I thought is was funny or pertinent or both. I love the new photo I put up top. I am proud of myself for taking the picture and editing it. I've never taken a photo class in my life, so I am always a little embarrassed about showing people pictures I've taken because I have no idea what they'll say.

I don't get compliments on my blog, my writing, or my photography skills. I but I don't do this for the compliments, I do it because it fills a space in my heart and head that would otherwise be filled with lolcats and me reading all day long (there is only so much time you can spend reading, no matter how much you like the book).

10 things to tell myself 10 years from now

In going with Wednesdays theme from me telling Little Denise all the things she could improve on, I shall tell future Denise the things that I think she may either a) forget or b) not remember... umm.... yea.

as with Wednesday, although I didn't say it, these are in no particular order, just the order they fall out of my head.

1. I love me now, and I know that every time you look back on your past self you get embarrassed because of the things you did, the thoughts you had, the way you dressed (and did you hair); but remember that in the moment it seemed best, and that's all you can ask of me.

2. Seeing a therapist was the best choice I could have made, I hope it works out for you. I know that I feel better every single time I see her, and with time we (you, I) should feel like a far better version of myself than we have for a while.

3. You better have a hot husband, I don't want to wake up one morning thinking, what was I thinking? just saying.

4. keep singing, or start singing again, whichever applies. I don't know you yet, but I know your soul. Singing lifts it up. Make the music girl, it's what God intended.

5. You're 32, not dead, not the crypt keeper, not an old woman. Go out an live a little. Don't let the outside stress keep you from being happy. I know it's hard for us to see the large picture sometimes, but I'm telling you now that a little fun will go a long way.

6. Do you still have your spoon ring? If not you ought to get another.

7. I'm betting that by now you have children and other womanly things, I want you to know that no matter what they did to your body you're still beautiful. And if you don't like something change it. Don't let your children run your life, showing them that taking care of yourself is important will instill good things in their brain. It's good for all people that you're happy and healthy.

8. Buy more life insurance, you can never have enough.

9. It's okay if you become your mother, she's an okay gal. Just remember the things she did that didn't make sense to you now (10 years ago) and don't do those things. You're smart, you'll figure it out.

10. Try to see God every day. You don't have to go to church to worship him, that's not what faith is about. See his little miracles and thank him for it. I know you've always been filled with more because you had that background, just don't lose hope. Your hope is something that makes you beautiful. You see what others don't because you feel it in your heart that it's true. Don't lose that because of stress and hardships, you've made it through tougher things.

Lovely Friday to you all!

things my therapist says

I'm a girl. I have emotions.

My therapist is one of my favorite people in the world. I love her.

She is my therapist soul mate. I can't imagine her being any different.

I'll tell you about her, and you'll see why I think she is just plum amazing. She is so cute. I've never seen a girl as cute. She wears adorable little dresses and cute sweaters. She has a soft voice and  a smart brain. I like her brain. She talks to me about the theory of phychology... How did I get so lucky to have a therapist who talks to me about the legistics of therapy?!? She's totally my kind of gal.

The thing about her is that she is technically a med student doing her year of in hospital work (does anyone know what that's called? I've been having trouble remembering words the past few days, my left brain must be tired) so she is still writing papers and reading her books learning all about the crazies of the world.

The thing she told me yesterday was that the feelings we have are related to the thoughts we have about the situations we're in, and if we can take a minute to look at the thoughts objectivly we may realize that they aren't entirely logical.

Example: Tuesday I was feeling really doubtful about the car I picked to buy and pay on for the next five years. I was nervous I'd made the wrong choice, and that something vary bad was going to come from it. I also kept thinking I shouldn't have made that decision, I'm young, I don't have a lot of wisdom or huge cash supplies to back up my decisions...

The thought was that I might have made the wrong choice, that I wasn't smart enough to make the right choice and the fact that I don't have a lot of money to my name means that if something happens and I'm not working I won't be able to afford it.

The feelign of doubt stemmed from those thoughts.

Those thoughts were all put in my head by my mother, I didn't think any of those things till my mother bombarded me with the ideas.

The truth is that I'm borrowing the money from my uncle, and I have 5 hears to pay if off at 4% interest... there is no way I'd be able to get interest that low on my own. If something happens and I can't pay him for a little while I don't think he is going to turn it into a collection agency, a bank would. This car will last me more than a year like the other one did. I paid over $3000 for just a years use out of that car with the payments and all the other money I put into it. I'd rather buy a car from a family member knowing it works properly, has been kept in good condition, and won't poop out on me. This car is all sorts of lovely.

looks like this, only black

My doubts were only from the thoughts my mother put in my head. I made a good decision.

Another thing that she and I talk about is right and wrong decisions, and how it's never really black an white, it's grey; and we have to trust that we made the more right decision, or the better decision. Life isn't cut and dry, it's all uncomfortable oozes and such. You can't always be one hundred percent positive about something, there is always another side of the spectrum to look at and consider if the positives out weigh the negatives.

Having emotions isn't weak, it doesn't mean you're not logical or intelligent; it just means you're human. It becomes illogical when you can't look at why you're feeling the way you are, because you may be having illogical spur of the moment thoughts that aren't fair to yourself.

Just because your relationship ended doesn't mean you're a failure at life and no one will ever love you again, those thoughts come from our own imagined world where we suck and out lives are meaningless... it's not the truth. Someone can and will love us again (as long as we love ourselves) and the world isn't crumbling beneath our feet. I'm smarter than my emotions. I can handle it.

10 things to tell myself 10 years ago

Little Denise, you stupid girl you. I know you'll never get this letter, because I've never gotten this letter, and I'm you, in 10 years.

1. Stop wearing your hair in only pony tails, you look dumb.

2. You're a soprano. I know it, you know it. Stop pretending so you can sit by the boys. You'll sing better when you stop pretending you're an alto.

3. When Carol doesn't want to continue with her piano lessons make your parents let you go instead. I need to know how to play piano, I don't. You have the time to learn now, do it.

4. Read Harry Potter. It's embarrassing you don't read. Once you read it, you'll love reading for the rest of your life. Don't wait till you're struggling in school because you haven’t found the series that rocks you to the core. Harry Potter is it, and now it's the coolest thing. Everyone likes Harry Potter, everyone.

5. You're not as cool as you think you are, be nicer to people, you'll feel bad about this stuff in a few years.

6. Once you start reading more your writing will improve times a million. You're smart, embrace it. Just because you don't have to try as hard doesn't mean you shouldn't. This laziness thing where you still succeed won't last forever. Learn good skills now.

7. Having a boyfriend you don't talk to doesn't count, no matter how cute he is and how popular you are because you "date" him.

8. Enjoy your time with your sisters now, they'll leave sooner than you're ready for.

9. Get in the habit of exercising. I know your boobs are big, and running is difficult. But they get bigger, and it becomes more difficult. You're young enough now that of you make it a habit you'll stick with it. I know you're not competitive, don't try to be. Winning and losing isn't fun. Just do it so that I;m not a fattie... because I hate exercising, but you can make that a difference.

10. Your parents aren't always right, but they usually are. Trust your gut, but if you're just doing something to spite someone, stop. You're being an idiot.

Yesterday my aunt(ish) gave me a cast iron skillet! And I bought a new car...

That is in the correct order because although getting a new (used) car was necessary it's crap I had to. I should have been able to drive my old car for much longer. It only had 60, 000 miles. Ford is now on my "never buy" list. American cars are crappy because Americans are predominantly lazy and care only about cost, not quality.

I now own a hatch back, please don't make fun of me. It's a nice car. And it drives. And I now have to make payments for the next five years. I just hope I made the right decision in getting this verses another >$4000 car. I want to be confident in spending this much money, but right now I'm not. I'm not happy that stuff doesn't work. The car I had before I bought last July, I owned it for a year and 2 months. I shouldn't have had to replace it this soon. Cars suck. Cars and owning one with the insurance and what not is on my big list of cons for living where there is grass. Subways are so much better. I want a subway in Akron... not that sandwich shop... although it is nearing my period lunch time and I really want some cheese and onions...

So, cast iron skillet! I plan on making corn bread very very soon. Last night was not good for me, too much stress. Buying a car is stressful, and my mother was trying to talk me out of it but had no other solutions, let alone a better one. So I bought a car and now I have all these doubts.

Is it really only Tuesday?

Anne Rice is 69 today

and I know that I should be more mature than that, but 69 is such a funny number.

Now, since her vampires are not sparkly or freaky leather people (Dresden Files... like I thought I could get away from vampires by reading a series about a wizard... it's a full fledged war out there people!) I thought I'd mention her since everyone who hates Twilight says she did it right and everyone should follow in her footsteps. And it's her Birthday. Us October babies are special, all of us.

Why I don't care that Edward Cullin sparkles: poetic license. You have just as much right to make up your own version of vampires as she did.

My birthday is in 25 days. I'm excited...

Things that I really want:

A grill pan, the pioneer woman uses it all the time and I want to cook with one... I don't need it to be cast iron, I've burned myself on skillets (work in a restaurant with anything sizzlin' and you know what I'm talking about. the whole outside of my index finger and the inside of my thumb had huge blisters for a week) and I'm the type who will forget and do it again a few times before i hurt myself into remembering. Plus keeping track of those little oven mitts is a hassle. I just want a grill pan.

I do want a regular cast iron skillet though. I want to be able to bake things in it. Did you see the pioneer woman's cornbread this morning? I have all the 'gredients... I just need the pan!

I read the first 9 over the summer... and since I'm cheap as heck I haven't read book 10. There is a 119 person waiting list at the library. I'm not even bothering to become 120.

I just looked at my wish list on Amazon and it's basically three pages of books I want the kindle version of but don't want to buy myself. Yes, Kindle files are less than regular books. No I can't waste all my hard earned dollars on books. I spend too much on them as it is.

I want these CD's. I want the CD's because I like to listen to them in my car. I have a huge Crush on these guys voices. The fact that they have the same name means that I'd be less likely to mix them us if I were to say date them both at the same time, which isn't that far out of the realm of possibilities.

Beauty and the beast, my favorite childhood tale, is coming out of the vault and although I literally hate Disney for being douches and putting things in the vault in the first place, I don't want to miss this one. My mother is fully aware this is what I want from her, lets see if she can remember. This will probably be a gift to myself if no one gets it for me.

This wall decal. Saying I love it is an understatement. I'm in love with it. Red is the color of my soul. Deep passionate red.

I super dooper love this one too. The birds, the branches. It's all perfect. Id have to paint my room for this one, but Bobby seriously likes painting more than he likes breathing, so I know he'd hop on that with full enthusiasm.

I think that's a good enough list for today... I wonder how much of it I end up buying for myself.

breathe in... ahhh

I feel so much better today, I suppose that's what eleven hours of sleep will do for you. I got home, ate enough food to hold me for the winter (I was so hungry, not having a car meant I couldn't go to lunch and my boss was here all day and he gets mad when I eat at my desk) and slept till my alarm went off this morning which never happens.

Self-fulfilling prophecy: I said today would be a better day, and so far it's a better day. I even made myself oatmeal this morning, the real kind, on the stove... nothing is more comforting that a hot breakfast, even if you have to make it yourself.

My 16 year old little sister needs a reality check. I'm sure that everyone had that said about them in their teen age years, but my little sister thinks that she knows everything, and that everyone around her is an ignoramus. Shes been this way since she was about 7. I think I know why the Duggars keep having kids, they can't stand how ignorant the youngest acts,so they slap it in the face with another baby and say, "Ha! You're not the youngest any longer," and that one behaves and they don't have to worry about it till the new one one gets opinions and such. I think that's the worst time in a child's life, when they get opinions. I don't think I'm ever having kids, not if they could possibly turn out like my little sister.

Today is Friday, my car stopped running mid day Tuesday when I was having my travel mechanic come diagnostic it and he couldn't figure out what was wrong. I had to have it towed to another place (thank my father for my yearly AAA membership, that's one of the best gifts he gives me, that and an entertainment book) for another diagnostic because my mechanic (who charged me nothing for the 2 hours he looked at my car Tuesday, I should be more thankful) couldn't figure out what was wrong. Turns out it's the engine... go figure. And it'll cost me about $1400 to fix...

Now, my uncle owns this car, I'm paying him back for it and although I'm more than half way through the payments I still owe him about $2000. My uncle is my boss. Yesterday he asked me to do a math problem in my head because he is convinced "young people" don't know anything and can't possibly do math in their head and I told him I couldn't becasue I was so distraught. He asked why, I started crying and told him about my car.

He feels bad because although he did me a favor by buying me the car he picked a dud. Since I've purchased it I've needed 4 new tires, new brakes and rotors and an alignment (that was a nice month)... my ignition broke inside of itself, fortunately in my driveway so I wasn't stranded, but I had to have the replaced. I haven't fixed the crack in the windshield (it's very small) or the passenger side door which was a fake... it's not connected to anything and my key doesn't even work in it. Whoever owned it before me (we bought if from a repo auction) was in an accident and instead of being a normal person and fixing it properly, got a door that doesn't even have the capability of rolling down the window or locking/unlocking from the outside. My windshield wipers aren't right either, they'll stop right in the middle of the window instead of finishing their wipe, and I haven't even looked at prices for fixing the last two things.

So I told my uncle about the latest development in my car which is it either needs fixed or replaced, and the cooling system is so gunky because of whatever is happening in the engine that I'll need that cleaned like 4 times as well. He told me not to fix it. He told me he would just eat the last $2000 I owed him and we'd buy me a new car and I could pay him for that.

Then, his friend told him he may be able to get an engine and has a friend who could do the work. Friends helping each others friends out. You have no idea how many men I've talked to in the last two days about this car. I have a new black uncle named Kevin Smith (smiley face) who is hilarious and a treat to talk with on the phone. I've known him for a while, he made ribs for my graduation party that are to die for, he is my real uncles bff... do grown men have bff's?... and he basically told me that he'd take me to any mechanic and make sure that the parts that were broken were really broken. I love him.

Now my uncle can't decide is we should fix it or not. I have no idea if he'll be buying me a new engine or if I have to, but he said "ill pay for it," but I don't know if that means I'll eventually be paying for it or since he'd take the $2000 loss, he'd rather buy me a new engine and have his friend put it in. I just don't know.

I'm now to the point where I don't care. My father offered to may the $1400 initially and I'd pay him back, so that's an option if my uncle doesn't want to pay for the engine but not get me a new car. So now it's just up to my uncle (the same one who doesn't like if I eat at my desk and makes me do mental math on the spot to prove to him that not all young people are idiots...) and once again, I have no real control so I don't really care what happens since all options lead to me having a car and still paying my uncle.

Back to my little twat of a sister, she said to me when I was acting all stressed and mopey because I had been told that fixing my car could be up to $2500 dollars (more than half of what I paid for it) that "nothing bad that happens to me isn't directly my fault, so I just am not sad about it because I caused it to happen". Must be nice to have that mentality, you know, considering that it's not just your fault. It's never just your fault, you're not that important, and shit happens you can't foresee or control. Like I said, my little sister is always right, and she won't open her eyes enough to let anyone help her.

So although all the problems I had yesterday I still have today (except I don't work tomorrow, and I work today which is yesterdays tomorrow), I am not going to be surprised by anything more... correction, I don't think I can have anything predominantly worse than what happened happen, so I'm looking forward to this day and not having to worry because it's out of my hands. Knowing things are out of your hands after 2 days of so much worry I could have fuelled a car (if I'd had one) is an interesting relief.

Happy October first and happy Friday.

Oh! Fun thing, I sent this photo to my credit card company and my new card arrived in the mail yesterday with this image. It looks amazing. I wish I could have a picture for my bank card.