Friday, November 5, 2010

remember when I used to do themes...

Because I love to plan things and am almost anal retentive when it comes to certain aspects of my life (how clean my room is does not fit into this category, in case you were curious) I usually do really well with posting on a certain topic...

wait, no I don't. I hate doing something over and over again, the monotony, it gets to me.

Anyway, that being said about a year or so ago I started the thirty days of truth and I am still not done. Today I'll write to a hero, one that let me down.

 A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Hero,

From the beginning I looked up to you, you were more than a God in my eyes; I couldn't see God, I could see you. I could see you doing everything because I watched. I followed and I wanted to be just like you. Really, you were my world.

Every time I got hurt you were there to show me I was loved and that it would be okay. Because of you I knew I could go on, because you told me I could, so it was true. I more than loved you. I needed you.

Hero, I'm not sad the glass shattered, it needed to, it was part of growing up. You didn't let me down because you wanted to or were being selfish, it just happened; because you're human. And for that, I love you all the more.

You may have failed at certain things in your life, but who hasn't? Through your imperfections I came to know that I don't have to be perfect, and no one expects me to. You, hero, are the reason I can look at the world and see the real God, because when I was younger you encouraged it, once again, I'm thankful. I'm thankful you're not perfect, because although I have had to learn a lot of lessons on my own I have been able to learn from some of your mistakes.

Recently in therapy I got pissed off because you and my sister (the two adult women I'm closest too) have been terrible examples of successful adult relationships, but you want to know something? I refuse to settle because of you. I refuse to keep my eyes closed any longer to my unhappiness because I see what it did to you, and although I never want you to be unhappy, I have been able to take a lot away from your failures. And, as far as failures go, you and she both have something great that came from your failed relationships: children. You've got me, and them and him. So, through your failure I see that something more important than anything else you ever knew or were came about, your purpose as a mother.

I'm sorry for resenting you sometimes like I do, and I'm glad you have been able to show me that not all failure is the end... that no matter what each path we take leads to potential. Thanks for showing me that.

I love you Mom, really really


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