Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Thoroughly Modern

So I'm sort of bad at being a girl.

I just though I'd let you all know.

I love to do things like drink beverages ending in "tini"... and show my boobs off to get people to like me/do things for me; but I don't really enjoy things like doing my hair, or shaving my legs, or brushing my teeth if I forgot and am already in bed.

I told someone I don't like to shave because it's cold out and I am growing my fur coat, the real reason is because I just don't give a shit and think it's too much work when you shave your legs and then every time you sneeze you get stubble (has anyone else noticed this anomaly, or is it just me?)

Recently, I blogged about having a sex dream, which got some guy I've been seeing from the dot com site to inquire about it which led to me informing him that it was none of his business... and then I referred to myself as a "modern Woman" who "has needs"... I thought it seemed less abrasive than calling myself Sleep around Sue, not that I am, but I have been known to make dumb decisions, and I am fortunate enough that I don't require any alcohol at all, saves me the empty calories.

if my mother ever reads this I'm probably going to kill myself, just for the record...

So, I prefer to date like a man (note: more than one person at a time so as not to do previously mentioned stupid things...) and the men I'm dating seem to want to date like a woman.

I like to say the guy wears the pants, and I'm the one who takes them off... I think it's hilarious, but in reality I'm the sort of girl that wears the pants, and the one who takes them off. On all my match dot com dates ending (or involving, it hasn't always ended there) with a kiss I was the initiator. I was the one who leaned in, puckered, went the 80%. I was the one who said, "no, I'm not just talking to you right now, and I think you should explore your options too because I'm not going to waste my time settling down with the first boy who bats his eye lashes at me."

I used those words.

I said "bats his eyelashes".

I meant it too.

I'm not saying I want to sleep with more than one person at a time, I have heard of STD's, I'm not an idiot; I'm just saying that as a woman dating shouldn't be about submission and settling. It should be about discovering who you are just as much as who the other person is. And the best way to do that is to explore your options, distribute your emotions so they aren't concentrating on one guy at a time so you're not blinded as to how you and he don't really work by the fact that he has a really nice stomach (or butt, or legs, or eyes, wherever your weakness falls).

So I want to date like a man, but I want to be treated like a lady. Even if I don't shave my legs, I'd still like you to treat me with respect and adoration. I want you to offer to drive (only if you're really safe, I have issues) and to pay and to carry my stuff. I feel like I always end up carrying every ones stuff.

Once I went shopping with Teresa and Neil and I seriously had 8 bags in my hands and neither of them had anything... Teresa said they should bring me more often because I would just carry everything for them.

Bobby puts his wallet, phone, and keys in my purse every time we go out together, I need to get a smaller purse so I have an excuse to say no other than he is a prat and I hate him, that one doesn't really matter to him anymore.

I want a boy who will hold me in his arms and make me feel safe when I watch a scary movie, or remember a scary movie I saw years ago, or walk past a mirror in the dark (literally the most irrational fear I have, I know, but that is scary to me). I want one who will treat me well, and love me, but one who lets me independent and make decisions on my own, and one that I choose... not because he is the only option, or the first option; but because he is the best option.

Oh, and I fart. A lot.


  1. I feel very similarly. I know what I want and I go for it, even if it's not the "girly" thing to do. I've been called aggressive, abrasive and dominating. I take all of these things as compliments because any guy who wants the opposite of those things is not someone I want to be around. But just because I like to be in control does not mean I want some weakling man I can take advantage of. Someone equally in control and equally dominating is very attractive to me but, as it turns out, it's a little hard to find :).

  2. Can I steal that: "no, I'm not just talking to you right now, and I think you should explore your options too because I'm not going to waste my time settling down with the first boy who bats his eye lashes at me." I love it! Granted I barely date, let alone two or more people at once, but I totally agree with what you wrote!

  3. Denise, because you're a Denise you can have it! And Lizzie, I agree. How can a man want to date a submissive push over? I want a partnership.

  4. Never settle! Explore to your heart's content and enjoy it. :]

    i fart a lot, too. we would totally get along so good in person. :D

  5. So basically, you want to be treated like a princess? But act like a coal miner?(not the awesome kind that just got rescued.) The reason you aren't finding the kind of guy you want is probably because they want to date girls who shave their legs, brush their teeth and don't fart in public.
    And Lizzie, "dominating, aggressive" guys don't like "dominating, aggressive" girls. That isn't what they want. So of course you can't find one, because as hard as you look for one of them, they aren't looking for your type of girl.

  6. I think you're right to shop around. You catch more fish with a bigger net. And I suppose that makes you more likely to find the...*struggling to come up with a crap oceanic metaphor*...I don't know. The best fish of them all.

    I do, however, think it highly unfair that what you've just described would be considered noraml for a man, yet raises eyebrows when a girl does it.

    And re: the farts, wherever you may be, let your wind be free.

  7. @philmin9 - Well that's quite unfortunate. I don't necessarily agree, but to each their own.