Sometimes you just have to go there

I can honestly say it took me about a minute and a half to get this joke... O lawd, I do love it when I am so darn slow. Netflix holds a very dear place in my heart, very dear indeed. I hope to find more shareable gold mines soon.

It's research people! I do it for you.

Happy Tuesday lovers.

and the winner is

Dustin, my good friend who has been mia for a few weeks because of the draw of WoW, which I personally know I can't start playing or I'll never stop... addictive personality... I try to stay away from the temptation.

But, Dustin, I'm actually really excited you won because I get to personally text you the good news! Which I am about to do.

Thanks to all who entered! I hope everyone’s thanksgiving was awesome.

I made some delicious stuff; seriously, my family thinks I am some sort of God now. Apple pie, mushroom topper for the steaks (oh, you didn't know my family does steaks for thanksgiving? Only on my mother’s side, we are American. What's more American than steaks?), and for my father’s side I made a three bread stuffing (sourdough, white, and cornbread made in a cast-iron skillet) with roasted mushrooms, Italian sausage, and apples and onions made in a white wine sauce with rosemary and thyme broth. Tell me that doesn't sound like heaven? It was. All are gone now, because they were devoured by the family.

Maybe I'll post the recipes... my cooking blog hates me because I neglect it.

things I'm thankful for.. ah, suck it

As far as I'm concerned there are really only a few reasons ever to do a super cliche post, and those reasons are as follows:

a) I want to

and b) I've got little to nothing else to do

I know for a fact that my mother will make me list things I'm thankful for, so why not be honest here instead of the usual, "my friends and family" bs that I say each year because I want to get to the food?

I figured I'd do five, that's a nice even number, even being a relative term and more in reference to my ability to multiply and divided things by it than actually being and even number.

I'm thankful for my friends, a few in particular who have shined like beacons in the darkest of nights. I am thankful that I have people who I can say literally anything to and fear no form or judgement or rejection. I'm thankful that when all I could do was cry they made me laugh, and I am thankful that through their amazing ability to not get tired of me saying the same thing over and over, I talked my way out of one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I'm thankful for my voice, my writing voice and my singing one (and my talking one, I'll tell you something funny about that in a minute). I'm thankful that through my blogging I've been able to find an honest voice that not only sounds like me (how I talk, my particular phrases and such) but is pretty eloquent at times. Being an AP English nerd I wrote a bit pretentiously in the beginning, things didn't flow, I was awkward, not funny, and very very uninteresting. Now, through lots of trial and error I have come up with something I'm really happy with, and since you guys seem to be responding better, I think that you'll agree. Comedy is a huge part of who I am, and I know it's sometimes really hard to be funny in print, especially when you're just barely funny in real life... What I'm trying to say is I like the way I write, and I am thankful for finding it.

I'm thankful that even though I've no longer continued with my musical education I haven't lost my ability to sing. I can still bust out and operatic tragedy (please forgive me, you don't know it but that was a Little Women the Musical joke, remember when I said I wasn't always funny?) when I try and I can still sing mad karaoke, even when I am sober. It just sounds better when you're drunk. I mean I'm drunk... I'm drunk. Not really, still at work people, I haven't started yet. I've yet to publish an intoxicated post, that needs to change.

And, finally the interesting story involving my talking voice.

I haven't talked about match dot com in a while because I actually haven't been doing anything I think my blog should know about, if you know what I'm sayin'. But, 3 of the 4 people I have met gave me an interesting compliment: my voice. I've always know I have the voice of a phone sex operator, I discovered this when someone I used to work with and I had a quick conversation about switching shifts and the next day he was looking at me funny. I asked him what was up and he said that he was slightly aroused by our phone conversation, then all the boys I worked with started calling me to find out and low and behold it was true. I've got a good phone voice, I know this. I think I have the wrong job, those people don't do anything and get paid big.

Anyways, I may have a good phone voice, but that doesn't change how monumentally awkward I am as a human. I also hate using the phone because I talk on it all day when I'm not blogging (and sometimes when I am, how important can dealing with someones car insurance be?) so basically I never talk to any of the dates on the phone before hand. It's too weird for me, I don't know what to say sometimes to people I do know, let alone ones I don't.

So, I meet with these strange men and one of the first things 3/4ths of them say is how amazing my voice is. I guess that's a good thing since I talk a shit ton... it's from blogging I've decided. I never used to talk so much before I wrote so much.

I'm thankful for sex. I am not sure if this needs explaining, but when you are single for a while and then start doing it again you realize how freaking pent up you were and how much you really did miss it.

I'm thankful for entertainment. Blogs, books, movies, musicals, TV, texting, the SIMs, orchestras, restaurants, bands, shows, video games, porn, the internet, shopping, cooking, eating, drinking, other drugs, games, cards... basically all that stuff that keeps me occupied. I know that old people think "young people" are all over the place and can't sit down for five minutes and are constantly jumping from one thing to the next since we all have ADD because our mothers are hells angel wannabes who smoked during out gestation, and although that may be true, I'm damn thankful for the lovely things that I do find solace in. I may be bored after 15 minutes of some activities, but I've got plenty of interest to switch off between and I'm generally entertained most of my free time. Yes, I do like shiny things but that's because I'm a woman, it has nothing to do with a short attention span.

Finally, I'm thankful for my family. Yup, I went there. My family, although they have the ability to annoy me at all hours of the day and night I love all of them. They house me (I pay very little to live in a house my mother rents me and my sister) and job me (I work for my uncle and with my aunt) and basically if I ever needed anything I could ask them (like my car... paying my uncle for that one, my student loans and Hospital bills... those were my dad...). So, I want to hit you guys most of the time, but you help me not be homeless and unable to transport myself and have more debt then I would know with what to do. 

Go enter the giveaway, you've got 8 hours.

We're alone

I am only going to talk about Harry Potter for one (or two) more post(s) because I saw it again last night  and my last name is Potter so I can do what I want!

There are a lot of really moving things, Hermione leaving her parents house, the grave yard, Fred when George's ear gets hexed off, Hermione telling Ron her and Harry are nothing, the dancing scene... I loved every minute of it. But, all three times I've seen it there is one moment that hits home a little harder than I anticipated.

I do normally try to relate at least one thing in my life to Harry Potter per day, it gives me a sense of completeness that can't be matched. But this, this moment, it hurt.

The scene is where the three of them enter Grimmauld Place, the dust in the hall begins to stir and a figure looking like Dumbledor yells while speeding toward them with an outstretched hand. The figure dissolves. The room is quiet. Hermione checks for any other tricks and there is nothing. No one.

She says, "we're alone."

And they are.

Completely alone.

Sometimes I feel like that. No one is where I am right now and no one can understand me. I feel like I am the only one fighting for myself a lot of the time, and the people in my life who I should be able to lean on and confide in are uncaring, and uninterested.

I'm not important enough.

I don't matter.

I'm alone.

I feel like for a really long time I have only had two people that I can really talk to, because everyone else just looks at me and has no idea what I am talking about and doesn't really care or feel like putting forth the effort. Considering everything that has been happening, and for how long I've been feeling this way, two people really isn't very much; especially considering they aren't my family and shouldn't have to help me carry all this emotional baggage like they so generously have.

My family sucks right now, and I have no place to just be me. I can't go home without feeling smothered, (not in a loving way, in a nagging, noisy, I'm in the way way) and when you can't go home where can you go?

Poor Harry Potter... He fought such a fight.

Final way to enter the giveaway

Okay, I decided that the third way to enter this giveaway is going to be for everyone.

You don't have to follow, you don't have to do anything other than answer this question:

Who is your favorite author (now, or of all time) and why?

Comment on this post, and winners will be chosen Thursday.

just in case you wanted a bit of summer, it's mighty dreary here...

Also, I was just informed that my guest post is up over at Awkward Sex and the City. If you feel like reading something less than ladylike head on over. But, I am warning you, it's a bit crass.

Also, I posted for Sex and the Shitty a while back but wasn't sure if you'd want to read that... but go ahead. I am warning you right now it's also sort of gross. I don't want to write about sex on my own blog (too much) because my parents do have the means of reading it. And one of my favorite teachers from when I still sang a lot.

I also haven't really felt like writing for a while and I feel badly about it. You deserve to read something I've written, even if it's not posted here.

7.0-7.5

I want to let you all know I am about to talk about Harry Potter, the movie; so, if you haven't seen it and are planning on doing so, stop reading. Because I like you, but not enough to keep my mouth shut.

I hope this doesn't change things between us.

First things first: Ryan Reynold's as the Green lantern makes me wet in the panties. I love him, and the idea of him as a DC comics character is heaven to my geeky heart.

I saw the movie at 12:01 like a good Potter fan should, and I was so impressed.

I haven't spoken much about Harry Potter movies in general on this blog, so I guess now, today, when I'm wearing my seeker shirt and tired from only 4 hours of sleep, seems like a good time.

I hated the 6th movie, and I haven't been really quiet about it, almost everyone who has ever listened to me talk about Harry for more than five minutes knows it, so I don't care. Hated. A lot.

The fifth movie, however, was probably my favorite (until today). It's for a weird reason, you probably didn't notice it actually as being different from the others... but, in the fifth movie they change scenes through the Daily Prophet... through it. I don't know why I love that so much, but it made all the difference for me. In all the other movies they use the paper to tell details (that and Wanted Posters) but in the Fifth it's just more interesting because they go into the moving pictures. I don't know, please don't ask. 4 hours of sleep...

I hated the 6th movie because it was so damn confusing. How do we know who Fenrir Greyback is? Oh, the one wanted poster on screen for three point two millaseconds that doesn't even say why he is wanted? Thank God I read the book... I would have been totally lost if I hadn't. How does Harry rationalize Dumbledore's death? It's because the spell Dumbledore cast on him is no longer affecting him, thus, he must be really really dead. But wait, in the movie there was no spell, just death, and an accepting Harry Potter. One of the most beautiful things I have ever read was the chapter on Dumbledore's funeral; and, because whoever decided they wanted to make the shittiest movie on the planet decided we don't get the perspective on Harry's first wizard funeral, and how he secretly mourns for every witch or wizard he's lost up to the point...

I've only seen the 6th movie once, so if I missed something else terrible about it feel free to comment, I welcome other 6th movie haters with open arms and a cold beverage. Or warm, it's chilly today.

Why I loved the movie last night: an essay on lust and Harry Potter

Kidding, I'm not writing an essay. Sorry chaps, but my right eye is burning (I don't wear my contacts for a reason, I was reminded of that reason this morning while I was peeling my contacts from my eyes) and I am sleepy. I'm glad this is the second to last movie; I am getting to old for this crap.

I loved the magic, I loved how the Horcrux looked when it opened, (although, why do CG Harry and Hermione have to naked make out? That was a little weird...) I loved the relationship development and how funny (and hot) Ron is. I loved The dream/incite into Voldemort's head and life and plan. I loved Luna, and Xenophelous, and I loved how the Three Brothers looked, actually, that may have been one of my favorite parts. I loved Fred and George, I can't get over how sexy those red heads are. Yum. Also, the 7 Harry Potters, h.i.-larious! *tear* Hedwig... *double tear* Moody... *millions and millions of tears* Dobby, he died a free Elf (why the hell didn't they show that?!?!?).

There were only two things I thought could be confusing, one thing I thought was stupid, one thing I was pissed they left out, and one thing I thought didn't need said.

Confusing things: The two way mirror, we haven't really been told (via the movies) what it is, where it's from, or how it works. And, the trace on saying Voldemort's name. We see it, twice, but we don't know what exactly is happening because it's never mentioned.

Stupid thing: Why did Harry specifically say her didn't want to take polyjuice potion when going to Godric's Hollow? He takes it in the book, if they are going to stray (which is fine, I guess...) why say it out loud and contradict the real Harry that lives in our imagination? Stupid (but, how scary was that scene? Ugh... I was on edge, I thought I was going to die).

Pissed it was left out: and I am mostly pissed about this because it would have taken possibly two more seconds of the movie, why didn't they show the memorial for the Potters house or the grave properly? Two seconds people, two seconds.

And, what should have been left unsaid: "I want to bury him properly, without magic" ...Umm, Harry in the book didn't cognitively think that he wanted to do it without magic, it was just his nature. He thought it was the only way, not an alternative. If he had just done it, and someone else had commented it wouldn't have seemed pretentious, I think the only thing about Daniel being Harry is that he is too pretentious for me sometimes. Only sometimes, I do really like him.

And there you have it, I loved the movie, I am seeing it again tomorrow and again on Monday. Sorry, but it's my thing.

Finally, the giveaway. You've got a few more days to enter. And to clear things up, you must comment to enter. Your comment(s) are your entries. Tweet, then comment. Follow, then comment. I will use a random number generator to decide which commenter is the winner, and if you have two comments (because you did two of the things) you'll have twice as much chance of winning. Go make sure you're commenting. It's the right thing to do.

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! THE GIVEAWAY IS HERE!!

So, it's about dammed time I say, you've only been waiting forever.

I am, officially your favorite blogger today, it's okay, I accept the responsibility and am running with it. And, to anyone who actually knows me in real life, the fact that I haven't ran into a wall is mighty impressive, mighty.

I will state (with a very sad face) that I can only offer this to the U.S readers currently on the mainland. Shipping is expensive, I'd probably save money just flying myself to you and handing it over. But, alas, I cannot.

Please, my deepest apologies.

If you want to give me your address, I'll send you a personal post card. I really do love my bloggers from far and away.

Second rule, because this started because I have more followers than embarrassing things I do in a day (okay, that may not be entirely accurate) you've gotta follow this shit. Be it google reader, the actual blogspot following thing gravitating somewhere on the right side of this or the RSS, all is good. Follow. Leave a comment that you do so.

Second way to enter, follow the tweets (@dhpotter), twitt about the giveaway, and leave a separate comment saying you've done so/are doing so. Possibly, later in the week I'll figure out a way to get a third entry (or second for you lame-o's who don't tweet) but that's later and not now.

Now, the exciting part, what you'll win:

A brand new, never been read book (thus none of my useless scribbles, yes I write in books, it took all my strength to not high light the overall theme in Harry Potter (J.K. reveals it in book 6, that may be Edit: Click me to see>> how you enter for a third time... <<"what is the underlying theme of Harry Potter, one quote, that's it?"... maybe)) of

The Diary of Adam and Eve and Other Stories

 Because I love apples, duh, and I wanted to give you more than just an eighty something page book, even though it's amazing.

And, this is the main reason I can't send you anything over an ocean, a fresh bag of ... wait for it...

Which, I will tell you taste awesome. I finished off the bag yesterday and am going to buy two more... one for me and one for you. Because everyone and their mother wanted to know about these I'll do a full description:

Yes they taste like teddy grahams, only better because they are fishies. And, the mini marshmallows in them are divine. So so good.

There you go, winners will be announced at whatever time I decided to on Thursday, but the chances to enter stops next week at midnight my time (EST).

leave a comment for each entry, and I promise sometime in the next few days I'll come up with a way to give you non-twitts a second entry (and everyone else a third).

are you surprised that bloggers want a book? me either.

My brain is full of boogers and I can't think clearly. All I know is that the votes are in and it looks like I have got to find a book to give you lovelies... and the good news is that I've got a lot of interesting reading tastes. A lot.

Actually, I don't know if that's good news or not.

My seesta suggested I give away The Diary of Adam and Eve, because it's one of the most profound love stories I've ever read... which is saying something because I've read Twilight and A Tale of Two Cities...

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

I did like Twilight, but too bad for you I won't be giving it away. Sorry, I know it's all you wanted.

The main reason I love Adam and Eve so much is because it feels like a real relationship to me, no fluff, no side stories. Its Just Adam. And Eve. That's all there was. The book is witty and comical (duh, Mark Twain is brilliant) and at the end you know that love is real and people feel it, for a reason, every single day.

So, I've got thinking and deciding to do, and because I almost have snot coming out my ears and I don't want to decide right now. I also don't want to start the giveaway today, I'm thinking if I start it tomorrow then end it the day before thanksgiving that would give the winner something awesome to look forward too aside from awkward conversation with people they only see a few times a year.

I won a book once and when I got the tweet that I won I about pissed my pants... classy, I know. And it was just a book I didn't even know I'd like. I guarantee you'll love whichever book I decided to give away, I may even send you a zebra cake or something with it. Two of my favorite things, really crappy quality but highly delicious cake and a book. God, do I love you guys or what?

ps: still gotta check on those international shipping rates, so not sure if it's just my U.S. readers or not, forgive my laziness. The boogs, they are getting to me.

mini marshmallows

Ohmygodyouguys! Ever since I heard about chocolate goldfish I wanted to try them. Really really bad. And, for my birthday, David bought me a bag of those and s'more goldfish...

And guess what?

The mini marshmallows that come in the s'more ones are in the shape of goldfish!!!!

Ignore the fact that it took me this long to discover it, and have a great weekend my loves. :)

Oh, but I only want you to have a good weekend if you voted for the giveaway thing... if you didn't I could care less. (so go vote, and make us all happy).

good first date questions

Okay, sorry, I need to ask you something. Do you like if I talk about my new love life from the internet?

And, as a side note, I was browsing for good questions to ask on a first date because I want to be less awkward, not too intrusive (per the rules), but still have good questions to ask, the site I found had a pretty good list of questions I thought we're first date appropriate, however, at the bottom of the page I saw something funny.

If you can't read what the question is, it says, "Have you ever eaten any children?"

I feel like that would be a good thing to know before you're through with your first date; but I'm not exactly sure how I would react if that were asked of me. I'd probably say "yes" because that's just who I am, but what if he was serious...? This is the internet... all types of people are on there.

my therapist thinks He's a keeper

So, it's been two weeks since I have been to therapy and a lot longer since I did a therapy post. Since then lots has happened emotionally, let me elaborate:

I have told David I'm over him, and I gave him a list of things he did/does that just don't work for me. He got angry with me for how I approached the conversation; so, after me crying a bunch, us getting pissed at each other (he pissed at me for what I said, me pissed at him for being pissed at me... so I said more mean things... it's a circle of love I tell ya) and finally coming to the conclusion that not only can we never be together because our communication skills are nearly nonexistent (that's what happens when you get one moderately awkward person (me) and a really really awkward person (him) together) but also that we ignored all the other little stuff that wasn't so good because we loved each other so freaking much that we weren't really willing to admit that it wasn't/couldn't work. And I did say we.

No matter what you take out of this know that David and I really did love each other. And the love didn't go away, it just had to change because we, together, as a couple do. not. work.

Another thing that has happened is I think I'm starting to get back, to me. To myself. To the person I've always been but that got pushed aside because I didn't know how to be her and what I was at the same time. My therapist says my inferences are "interesting"... I hope that means in a good way. I noticed that people are asking for my advice again. I'm the rock, literally, in almost every single relationship I've ever been in. I'm the one people go to when they need good advice; and someone that they know won't judge or belittle them, no matter what. People look to me as someone they can rely on, someone they can relate too, and someone who knows what they are talking about (and if I don't I keep my mouth shut till I know, you really won't get bad advice from me). I'm loyal and accepting and full of compassion. But for a really long time I wasn't.

I'd lost confidence in myself and my ability to help. I pushed away so many people and so many opportunities to help because I could barely keep myself up, let alone help others. You'd be surprised how good it can make you feel giving people sound advice and knowing that they 1. know you care and 2. think you're right. I know that my real confidence has to come from within, but all this positive feedback I'm getting from the people in my life is really helping.

The last thing she and I talked about is that through match dot com and coming to terms with David and the break up I am getting a really really good idea of what I want from a future partner. I know that 22 isn't that old in the scheme of things, and since I am getting a handle on all the things I want from myself, from life, from someone I choose to share myself and my life with I may be ahead in the game... which in the long run could put me behind because I'm so over settling for something that is only mostly right I could possibly never ever find anyone I think it'll work with. or not, you never know, I may find the one.

Either way, I'm learning about myself, how I work and what I want. That's pretty important. You can't get what you want without knowing it first, and you can't find the love of your life if you're not in love with yourself first.

Edit: hahaha, I love when I plan on writing about something but totally forget. One of my match dot com lovers is pretty boss. I told my therapist all the reasons I like him, her eyes literally lit up because she knows how important some of the things he does are to me. She said he may just be a keeper, I think I may just agree.

Now go vote for the giveaway, if you don't I'll find you in your sleep. And it won't be good...

i want this

I know that there are a few things I want halfheartedly (like a cashmere blazer) and would love if someone gave it to me, but really have no desire to ever buy one for myself.

This isn't it.

I've had my eyeballs on this baby for a while I just haven't really had the opportunity to get it. And, I'm posting it now because I still really want it and maybe my mother will read my blog, see that I need it, and get it for me for Christmas. :)

I want it because I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and because I love that it's handmade. I want it because it's silver and pretty, but could still be worn everyday like I like to do... It would go spectacularly well with my spoon ring, I just know it... ugh, I love this necklace!

So, thought I'd let you all know whats been on my mind heavily this morning.

Go vote for the giveaway if you haven't already, I don't care if you follow or not. Just do it. thankssomuch. 

So I think it's about time I did a giveaway

I officially have 53 people who follow this thing and that means I have about 53 more people reading it than I ever thought would... so, to thank you all for loving me and thinking I'm swell I thought I'd give back.

However, I don't know what to give you guys so you should help me out, after I post this I'm going to make a survey thing and put it in the top right corner under the adorable photo of me... Vote there.

Here are your options of things I'd like to give away:

Music thing, probably the Glee Christmas CD because although I hate that I'm addicted (and you know you are too) I love the way those teeny boppers sound, and I also love Christmas...

A book thing, not sure what book, maybe I'll go through my wish list or already read list and see one that I really love and would like to share with you.

 

A kitchen thing, something fun, like these hilarious cookie cutters, or these sweet chopsticks.

Other things I'd be cool with giving away would be a movie, you know the five dollar bin always has something good, some winter stuff (I could probably have my friend Andi make a scarf, would you like a home made scarf by my friend because I won't do it?), or possibly a beauty product. I'm not sure about the last one because there are men who read this blog, and I don't want them to feel like they can't enter because I'm giving away some girlie beauty thing.

Or, other, which means that if you select that I'd like you to suggest something in the comments.

So, vote. You've got a week to decide.

remember when I used to do themes...

Because I love to plan things and am almost anal retentive when it comes to certain aspects of my life (how clean my room is does not fit into this category, in case you were curious) I usually do really well with posting on a certain topic...

wait, no I don't. I hate doing something over and over again, the monotony, it gets to me.

Anyway, that being said about a year or so ago I started the thirty days of truth and I am still not done. Today I'll write to a hero, one that let me down.

 A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Hero,

From the beginning I looked up to you, you were more than a God in my eyes; I couldn't see God, I could see you. I could see you doing everything because I watched. I followed and I wanted to be just like you. Really, you were my world.

Every time I got hurt you were there to show me I was loved and that it would be okay. Because of you I knew I could go on, because you told me I could, so it was true. I more than loved you. I needed you.

Hero, I'm not sad the glass shattered, it needed to, it was part of growing up. You didn't let me down because you wanted to or were being selfish, it just happened; because you're human. And for that, I love you all the more.

You may have failed at certain things in your life, but who hasn't? Through your imperfections I came to know that I don't have to be perfect, and no one expects me to. You, hero, are the reason I can look at the world and see the real God, because when I was younger you encouraged it, once again, I'm thankful. I'm thankful you're not perfect, because although I have had to learn a lot of lessons on my own I have been able to learn from some of your mistakes.

Recently in therapy I got pissed off because you and my sister (the two adult women I'm closest too) have been terrible examples of successful adult relationships, but you want to know something? I refuse to settle because of you. I refuse to keep my eyes closed any longer to my unhappiness because I see what it did to you, and although I never want you to be unhappy, I have been able to take a lot away from your failures. And, as far as failures go, you and she both have something great that came from your failed relationships: children. You've got me, and them and him. So, through your failure I see that something more important than anything else you ever knew or were came about, your purpose as a mother.

I'm sorry for resenting you sometimes like I do, and I'm glad you have been able to show me that not all failure is the end... that no matter what each path we take leads to potential. Thanks for showing me that.

I love you Mom, really really

Denise

I'm not here today

Hello people who read this site. How are you?

I was thinking I should tell you a few things, one being I really appreciate you reading what I write, it makes me warm and fuzzy on the inside, and thanks for all the support lately. It's not easy breaking up, going through therapy, deciding you're going to try a whole new plan for finding this love this time around, and blogging about it while maintaining a steady stream of positive feedback.

I know I'm different, hence why I like to do and try and experience things differently. So, having you guys to talk to about being different and knowing you not only agree with me but are encouraged by me is wonderful.

Today, however, I'm not here. I'm here! Ramblings of a Singleton asked me to do a guest blog about the wonderful world of internet dating, and thus I am keeping it short and directing you there.

Shes been doing a long theme about dating these past two weeks and if you would like to read my favorite dating themed post read the one from yesterday too about dating the Bridget Jones way. You'll see why it's my favorite for a reason.

So, done with that, see you tomorrow possibly.

Oh, also, comment there, I'll still go read them.

lessons learned

I’ve noticed that good advice always comes at the worst times. And by this I mean that we get great advice from people who love us and just want to help us when we are most stubborn and have out ears most shut.

So needless to say we don’t learn a thing until all is said and done, we’ve made our mistake, taken the hit, and learned that sometimes we would have saved a lot of struggle if we had just listened to so-and-so’s advice in the beginning.

However, I am firmly aware of the fact that the lessons I learned most from are from the mistakes I myself made because I felt the actual pain and anguish, instead of hearing some vivid story from back in the day. And although I would like to give bits of my hard earned advice and “wisdom” to people out there, I know that the hardest lessons are the ones you have to learn on your own; and no one can tell you anything that will prepare you like a first hand experience.

Why then, you may ask, am I still going to offer you my advice? Because I love you, all of you. And for the good of mankind I share my knowledge with the world. Even if it lands on barren soil. Some day you’ll see what I was talking about and maybe, just maybe, I can make getting there that much easier for you.

-Don’t settle, whether it be in love, friendship, a job, or school. But also, don’t deny your feelings. You have to do it wrong before you will be able to do it right, and you have to experience the bad before you can recognise the good.

-Friendship goes both ways, and if you feel like you are being used or taken advantage of, you probably are. If you are too afraid to stand up for yourself, you must accept that people will keep walking all over you. You have to learn to pick your battles, and no one will fight for you if you don’t.

-It’s okay to cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness, its a sign that you have accepted that you are overwhelmed, and when the crying is done, you can begin to solve those problems.

-Don’t be embarrassed to ask for something, no matter how capable you think you are, you cannot do everything, and no one expects you to.

-When it’s time, let go. Holding on to something that is no longer there just brings more disappointment, more pain, more confusion. Holding onto something that was never there is just stupid; but, unfortunately, you have to learn things the hard way. There is no easy way.

-Trust that you will come out of every situation a better person, because you will; and trust that everything happens for a reason, because it does. Above all, trust in yourself, because if you can’t rely on yourself then you can’t rely on anything

Thoroughly Modern

So I'm sort of bad at being a girl.

I just though I'd let you all know.

I love to do things like drink beverages ending in "tini"... and show my boobs off to get people to like me/do things for me; but I don't really enjoy things like doing my hair, or shaving my legs, or brushing my teeth if I forgot and am already in bed.

I told someone I don't like to shave because it's cold out and I am growing my fur coat, the real reason is because I just don't give a shit and think it's too much work when you shave your legs and then every time you sneeze you get stubble (has anyone else noticed this anomaly, or is it just me?)

Recently, I blogged about having a sex dream, which got some guy I've been seeing from the dot com site to inquire about it which led to me informing him that it was none of his business... and then I referred to myself as a "modern Woman" who "has needs"... I thought it seemed less abrasive than calling myself Sleep around Sue, not that I am, but I have been known to make dumb decisions, and I am fortunate enough that I don't require any alcohol at all, saves me the empty calories.

if my mother ever reads this I'm probably going to kill myself, just for the record...

So, I prefer to date like a man (note: more than one person at a time so as not to do previously mentioned stupid things...) and the men I'm dating seem to want to date like a woman.

I like to say the guy wears the pants, and I'm the one who takes them off... I think it's hilarious, but in reality I'm the sort of girl that wears the pants, and the one who takes them off. On all my match dot com dates ending (or involving, it hasn't always ended there) with a kiss I was the initiator. I was the one who leaned in, puckered, went the 80%. I was the one who said, "no, I'm not just talking to you right now, and I think you should explore your options too because I'm not going to waste my time settling down with the first boy who bats his eye lashes at me."

I used those words.

I said "bats his eyelashes".

I meant it too.

I'm not saying I want to sleep with more than one person at a time, I have heard of STD's, I'm not an idiot; I'm just saying that as a woman dating shouldn't be about submission and settling. It should be about discovering who you are just as much as who the other person is. And the best way to do that is to explore your options, distribute your emotions so they aren't concentrating on one guy at a time so you're not blinded as to how you and he don't really work by the fact that he has a really nice stomach (or butt, or legs, or eyes, wherever your weakness falls).

So I want to date like a man, but I want to be treated like a lady. Even if I don't shave my legs, I'd still like you to treat me with respect and adoration. I want you to offer to drive (only if you're really safe, I have issues) and to pay and to carry my stuff. I feel like I always end up carrying every ones stuff.

Once I went shopping with Teresa and Neil and I seriously had 8 bags in my hands and neither of them had anything... Teresa said they should bring me more often because I would just carry everything for them.

Bobby puts his wallet, phone, and keys in my purse every time we go out together, I need to get a smaller purse so I have an excuse to say no other than he is a prat and I hate him, that one doesn't really matter to him anymore.

I want a boy who will hold me in his arms and make me feel safe when I watch a scary movie, or remember a scary movie I saw years ago, or walk past a mirror in the dark (literally the most irrational fear I have, I know, but that is scary to me). I want one who will treat me well, and love me, but one who lets me independent and make decisions on my own, and one that I choose... not because he is the only option, or the first option; but because he is the best option.

Oh, and I fart. A lot.

when all else fails, be yourself

I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my life and just wished I could be someone else. I could have different problems and different friends, a different home with a different background. And of course everything would be easier.

But, in reality, that isn’t true. Although I assume other peoples lives are easy, or easier, I really have no way of knowing.

So the best advice I have is to trust that what I’m going through is meant for me, and no matter how tired I get, or how behind other people my age I feel like I am, I know that once I finish school (which I haven’t started what I actually want to do yet) I will be further along then they are becasue I got this real life experience in between.

When I look in the mirror I see potential, and I see promise. All I have to do is make sure that I live up to that optential and fufill those promises. Because no one can make me into who I need to be except me. And I can’t be anyone I’m not, no matter how much I’d like to pretend.