Wednesday, January 12, 2011

so lonely... want to cut my eye balls out

I've had the flu, that's why you got a half assed redundant post yesterday. i should thank Ramblings again for asking me to guest post while I was well because for the last few days I've been quarantined in my room so my nephew didn't get sick and bored out of my mind. There is something to be said about someone who is too tired to sleep. I was very tired, and I slept so so much.

I miss Ellen more than my life. This shit with David has started pissing me off because it happened the same week Ellen left me to be a big world traveler... and a week before Kyle and I decided to cease physical contact... as well as other contact because he thinks, "it will be awkward, " and I think that if I need to convince anyone why they should be my friend I probably shouldn't want them in my life to begin with.

So, friendship and sexy time over.

My heart is breaking, not because of him... but because I now feel like I've got no one. Everyone is back in school which means that if they're not in class they are studying (or practicing, or observing, or student teaching) and they don't really have time for little ol' me and my dire need for human contact other than my mother who still won't go home or my older sister who isn't exactly the best person to talk to about things.

I've been whoring myself out on match dot com so hard I think my finger tips are raw... and if that doesn't make you hot in the pants I don't know what will. I've already read two books this week, and for me that's a lot. And I mean week as in the last seven days, not this week starting Sunday. I'm not insane...

Although, I skipped my therapy session today because the weather sucked so bad and I didn't realize it and left my house too late. Good news is the therapist was late too, so when I called after having been driving for 20 minutes and only going  4 miles and canceled I don't think I'll be charged. Not that it matters, the hospital just writes it off anyways. But, because I missed that I may actually be insane and we just don't know it yet.

This is what the roads looked like, no shame
 because I was going an average of 8 miles and hour.

I'm desperately lonely, does that count?

Also, I think this car looks like it has a butt hole.



  1. I am, too. I have approximately three friends in the area, all with significant others, so I really only ever see my mom on a regular basis. Not good for the soul.

  2. I love you. I'm sorry I have no idea how much I miss you. You know that I need you around me and the fact that I haven't seen you or heard your voice in over a week kind of totally blows! Seriously. You. Geneva. Now.

  3. i am right there with you. i moved to Ohio last march and I have yet to make a friend that wasn't a backstabber from my 3rd shift job at walmart. This past week I've not gotten out of my pajamas and I've mostly been just playing video games. its kind of sad. even my "best friend" from back home will only respond to my texts roughly once a month if she feels like it. it sucks. im sorry you are having a hard time.

  4. Nice weather! And yes, it does look like a butt hole.

    You can always have your therapy session online, with us!

  5. flu can mess with your mind, actually when your body is sick, your mind will follow. I got flu and felt lonely too btw, i was far from home and alone :(

    This blogging stuff really helped me a lot. Twitter too, I followed some people that are quite similar, interact with them, funnily i feel a bond that is even stronger than my facebook friends in real life :p

  6. "I've been whoring myself out on match dot com so hard I think my finger tips are raw" - That makes me so hot in the pants that I'm on fire. I really need to find a fire extinguisher quickly.

    Oh, and I can identify with not having anyone irl to talk to. All of my friends did things like got jobs, had kids, went to grad school, and got lives whereas I decided to take the chronic unemployment route. I wouldn't recommend it.

  7. cars would have square buttholes