I can do this

I can get through this, although right now it seems like things couldn't really get worse.

I still love him, obviously; but right now I need to focus on me.

Friends? I don't know, not for a while at least... like i said, I still love him, a lot.

Here is what happened, in a nut shell:

Once there was a girl, and she fell in love with a boy. And soon that boy also fell in love with that girl. And they were happy, together.

Then everything in the girls life seemed to fall to pieces. She lost her vision, she lost her job, she lost her drive; she lost everything but him.

And she loved him so so much.

Well, that love became a crutch, and instead of focusing on solving her problems, she pretended they didn't exist; because with him they didn't.

Soon the boy got tired of the girl and her lack of ability to cope with reality outside of their relationship. He got tired of her always wanting to be around. He got tired of her using him to substitute happiness; because the girl he fell in love with was independent, and now she wasn't. She wasn't the same person, she was broken inside, and because she had him to lean on she wasn't trying to fix it.

The girl noticed his hesitance. She noticed him not wanting to be close to her as much and she felt him pulling away; and like all irrational people she clung tighter. And in doing so she made him pull away harder, because when you cling, the thing you cling to desires space all the more.

You can't make someone want to be with you, they either do or they don't.

And she clung, and he tried to make it work. But it didn't.

At least not now, not that way.

The girl is tired. She is sad. She is so so sad. But she understands, which in a way makes her feel worse, because she knows it's all her fault.

So for now she promises herself to work on the things that she was hiding from in the first place. The things she ran away from because he was easier than dealing with her broken life. And she'll try being his friend, soon; because he really is important to her. And they really do work well together, but for now she needs to be the girl she was before she fell in love. The girl she loved to be. The girl she was proud to be. The girl who he fell in love with, but not because he loved her, because she loved herself.

And if you don't love yourself, why would anyone else?