Tuesday, June 22, 2010

this is why I should drink before I go to sleep

As many of you may or may not know, when you go to bed intoxicated you're less likely to dream, therefore less likely to remember those dreams.

side note:the reason you don't remember your dreams is because your brain naturally omits an enzyme that inhibits you from building the protein structure that is a memory. The ability to remember dreams is actually a genetic mutation, just like the ability to digest dairy! If you don't remember your dreams then you are not a mutant. X-MEN here I come!!

Drinking makes you fall into deep sleep and stay there longer, however it also makes you more likely to wake up suddenly when you're brain is no longer being affected and harder for you to fall back asleep. I'm not a scientist here people, I just read a lot.

Okay, so my sister has decided that because I drank a bottle of wine the other day while we were watching a movie and I could still carry on conversations and walk like a normal person I am an alcoholic. I'm not, this is just something she decided. What she didn't take into consideration is that I started drinking while I was making our dinner (chicken pot pie, from scratch... you try doing that "drunk") and then finished it when the movie was over. So, over the course of 3 and a half hours I had 1 bottle of wine. Did I mention it was Arbor Mist? Not even real wine...

So I'm an alcoholic now.

Well, since these accusations presented them self I decided to monitor my drinking. How is goes is if I drink during the week it's usually one drink, possibly 2 if I watch a movie or something, and I never drink by myself. On weekends I'll drink however much I want, but once again with people, and I rarely get drunk. I never do it when i have to drive somewhere, and I always stop drinking an hour or so before I feel like I want to go home. After this I decided that my sister is just being a pregnant woman and can't keep her mouth shut or opinions to herself. I'm not an alcoholic, I just like drinking.

After I came to this conclusion I felt better about myself. And because I have been reading like crazy I don't have as much time to drink because i like to read sober... obviously.

So last night, after reading myself to sleep for like the 6th night in a row and not drinking a drop for the past few days, I had a dream that incorporated all that aspects of my life, in a very strange way.

I first have to preface this with I've been reading the southern vampire mysteries which is about vampires, if you're embarrassed about anal sex stop reading.

So my dream begins with me and Andi (one of my best girl friend) getting ready for a show choir competition... and Andi is a vampire now, so it's night. We're getting ready in my old bedroom of my step-mothers house (my dad and she have been divorced for 4 or more years now) and something is wrong and Andi keeps falling asleep. Since she is a vampire I'm afraid for her life. I can't get her to show choir which is also very important and I'm freaking out because no one will help me.

Cut to me in front of a mirror. I'm not in my current house and doing my makeup in the bathroom. I was doing some really weird stuff trying to make myself look like a vampire while Andi was still not able to wake up on my bed. I was trying to shadow my face to look dead and to have blood dripping down my mouth... I looked stupid even for a dream. So I'm washing off my makeup and David comes in and tells me he likes it and tries to get me to have sex with him, while Andi is passed out on my bed and I have half a face of freaky makeup.

Andi disappears. I decide to not take off my show choir dress; but he and I start going at it anyways. For some reason I come to the conclusion that now is a good time to try anal and I straight up go for it.

in all my dreams where I actually have sex I can't feel it. I have sex in my dreams to make the other person happy, and there is nothing really in it for me. I guess if anal really didn't feel like anything I might try it in real life; but I'm afraid of the pain and I know that my dream sex is not like it is in the real world. When I do have arousal dreams I'm always in a public place getting off and I'm super embarrassed about it. Does that say something about me physiologically? I can't be happy with someone and I can't ever be alone doing it by myself. There is never a blissful sex dream for me. I need a therapist.

So I'm having anal, David is loving it, I'm very pleased that I'm not in excruciating pain and my dress still looks great; then the sun starts to come up!

Andi, who is now back in my bed is still unable to wake up and David has disappeared. I have to save my vampire friend from the burning rays of the sun!

Cut to me having saved Andi and my dress is now covered in dirt because I think I buried her somewhere. I'm now too ashamed to go to show choir so I don't go.

This is the type of dream I have when I don't drink. Others include things like I'm a lion and the prairie where I live is flooding so I have to run to the city but can't climb a latter because I'm a lion.

Or I'm a movie director and I'm filming the movie of my life and somewhere on some plateau in the middle of no where there is a water tower that The real David and the Actor Denise are in, and David gets his leg cut off, all the water fills with blood and he dies as I'm standing there filming it.

If I drink just enough to throw off my equilibrium before I go to sleep I don't have dreams that make me feel like something is psychologically wrong with me upon waking up. But then people think I'm an alcoholic. What are you gonna do?

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