Friday, June 25, 2010

what do I want?

As a woman I have the right to change my mind often for for no real reason other than I want to. I'm allowed to feel very passionately about something one day, and then not really care whatsoever about it at all the next. I can do this, because I'm a woman.

I was reading an article that depicted the basic things women want from a guy they are dating... and some of the things are very important, but I thing they skipped some majorly important things for long term relationships.

Their list (from most important to lesser important but still necessary) is:

1. confidence (power)
2. sense of humor (fun)
3. men with money, or things money can buy (security)
4. looks (protection and attraction)
5. "bad boy" (mysteries, independent/strong)

Personally I was surprised that I agreed with most of the list, even if it was just the parenthesise. However, the fact that intelligence wasn't on it was so surprising to me, but I remembered most women are idiots and they wouldn't remember how important being mentally stimulated is in a relationship. So, because I like to think of myself as not and idiot (no matter how strange I am) here are the things I find important, the order changes with the situation.

1. Intelligence. This will always be number 1 unless I'm stuck under something heavy, then strength would have to win out. I like nerdiness, and if you wear glasses I'd be very happy. :) boys with glasses are hot, especially black plastic framed ones, I don't know why, it just does it for me. That may fall under looks, I'm getting ahead of myself. I need a guy who can teach me things and is willing to do so. One who can speak my language, or at least some of my language. One who won't be put off when I interrupt him with something slightly related, but in reality has very little to do with what we were talking about and then can pick back up right where we left off after I've said my bit. I need a guy who is willing to admit he is wrong, and one who won't rub it in my face when he is wrong. I need a guy to listen to radio lab with me, and one who is interested in pausing it and conversing. It's very important that he is intelligent, so much so that there is no way I'd ever date a dumbo.

2. Similar likes (and dislikes). If you're with someone and they don't like the same things you do there is an issue. What will you do together? Now, obviously I don't want someone who only likes the things I do, we have to be apart some times, but if they don't like the same stuff you'll never do anything where both people are happy. It's also important for the person to not like the stuff you also don't like. That way you can make fun of things without risking stepping on toes. This may fit into humor... my numbers are overlapping.

3. Humor. If I can't laugh at you or with you it's over. Laughing is great, and it's totally necessary. I have a sense of humor that involves insulting the very fiber of your being,and of you can't take it I'll give it to someone else. I like to go out to eat and listen to the people around us and make fun of a) how stupid they are or b) them personally. Not in a mean way, but when you ask for a to go cup for your water... or say that you should start smoking to loose weight after you're already 200+ pounds over weight I'm going to think you're an idiot. If you're in high school I'm going to make fun of you no matter what comes out of your mouth because it will be dumb, because you're in high school. My guy has to be prepared for that, and partake, and enjoy.

4. Takes care of himself. I was that girl in high school (and maybe some of college...) who thought gender stereotypes were a horrible terrible thing and I needed to break them. So I drove my boyfriend, and I paid for him because I had jobs, and they didn't. What I should have realized is that they needed broken up with, a guy without a job is not a guy who I want to date. Now, if we date for a while, fall madly in love and are super serious and he looses a job that's different. If he doesn't try to get another it's not different. I want a guy who can take care of himself financially, because I'm not here to do that. I'll help you when you're sick, I'll cook for us and help with dishes. I'll watch your pet while you're on vacation and I'll pay every couple of times we go out. I'll pick you up from the airport. I'll water your plants if you forget. But I won't drive you home from school every day because you got your license suspended and don't want to ride the bus, and I won't take you out to dinner if you don't talk to me the whole time and you just agreed to get free food. I hate users and moochers, but I'm too good natured to say no that often and I've been taken advantage of a lot. I need a guy who won't be tempted to take advantage of me. That's not cool. This also goes for a clean house and a clean body. I don't want to date a slob, and I don't want to date a guy who smells either. I don't want him to constantly need a hair cut or to shave. Take care of yourself, I'm expected to, so are you.

5. I want a guy who listens to me. I have an insane memory. I can recite lists and facts like it's my job. I know every ones birthdays off the top of my head. I can remember entire recipes that I've only made once, and I can make them perfectly. I don't expect you to remember things like I do. I can't, that'd be insane. however, I do expect you to remember what I just said, and partake in a conversation. I expect you to remember dates that we've made plans for or bought tickets for. I expect you to remember something you say you'll remember. I expect you to do the things you say you'll do. I guess that fits into a category of responsibility. I do also expect you to be responsible.

5. Looks, sensitivity, open mindedness, acceptance, confidence, basically everything else that weaves in and out of the other categories. My guy has to look good to me, but that will usually be if he is a smartie or not. I'm sexually attracted to intelligence, and that's not a joke. He has to accept that my best friend is gay, and I'm pro-homo, and I will never change my mind about that. He needs to be confident, but  not overly egotistical. His head needs to be small enough we can fit in the same room together, humility is just as sexy as confidence in the right context. Sensitive and aware of my needs. I like to snuggle, but I also like my alone time. I get monumentally crazy one week out of every month, and I try hard, but it's seriously like I'm bi-polar.  I don't play games, sorry. I don't like dating a guy who isn't willing to give me himself, honestly. I'm crazy, I'll admit it right now, but I'll accept your crazy if you accept mine. I like to have sex, a lot. And I like to do it places other than the bed sometimes. I want to be with someone who knows what they are doing, and I don't want to just be with some guy because he is good in bed. That's not the most important thing, at all. Good sex comes from a good relationship, and I'm willing to wait. As far as "bad boy" goes this girl is not interested. I don't like people who are overly risky or irresponsible. Yes mystery is interesting, but secrets have no place in my relationship. I wouldn't mind an exhibit of strength from a prospective love interest, but I like them to not be obsessed with their body or overly muscular. I like my guys to have a neck, and a bit o' belly is really cute too. Muscle maniacs are gross to me. As far as height goes I prefer over 6 feet, but at least taller than me. And over all size, that is bigger. I don't want to be the big one. My guy needs to be bigger than me, so I'll feel protected. I'd prefer if he looked like Harry Potter. That'd be perfect.

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