Thursday, June 24, 2010

why i'd still rather be a girl

Don't get me wrong, being a girl sucks sometimes. You can't play a sport and get taken seriously, you have things to deal with like boobs and a butt that stick out and make it impossible to go through small places without either standing on your toes or playing human Tetris.

Being a girl means you're expected to cook dinner then do the dishes when you stay over at some ones house while your parents are on vacation without you (I'm still scarred...). People expect you to want to be a mother some day, and to keep the house clean all while having pretty nails and smelling good. And you're never allowed to fart, or poop. Because you're a lady.

Being a girl means that for one week or so out of every month your organs raise war against your insides with no regard for human life; and you still have to participate in gym class because "it happens to all young women". You have to have your mother explain what oral sex is to you because your parents sent you to private school. Talk about the most embarrassing game of mini golf in my life... I still don't like put put.

You have to sit through health class pretending you're not offended when every guy snickers at the vagina on the wall, you have to watch movies like "Teeth" and pretend you don't wish you had that power sometimes. Being a girl means you're supposed to eat less even if you're hungry, and act scared in movies even when you're not. You can't ask a guy out for fear of bruising his ego, and once you're dating you can't act like you like him or he'll lose interest. You're expected to be catty and you're expected to like shopping. Your best friend happens to be an ex boyfriend who came out of the closet to you, but since he is still technically your ex and has seen your girl parts he's still a major threat; even though he is gay. You get called a lesbian when you have slumber parties and you and your girl friends can't cuddle without that being thrown around too, no matter how cold the room is or small the blanket. Or when you go naked hot tubing because it's dark and your kind of drunk, and it's only girls.

Most females can't drive well, they get easily distracted, they forget how to get places, and give terrible directions. They look at them self  in the mirror too often and can't remember what shoes they are wearing without checking (sometimes). We have to watch movies like 27 Dresses and The Diary of Bridget Jones, and we have to watch them multiple times because we have vagina's, and that's what we're expected to do.

Being a girl is probably the worst thing ever, but I'd still rather be a girl.

Would you like to know why? Because I'm allowed to be crazy, and when I'm crazy people just brush it off and account it to the fact that I'm female.

Yesterday David found something that proves this theory. In my car I have a small compartment over the lighter outlet... this compartment is filled with honey packets. I have no idea what possessed him to look in it, and to be honest I don't have a good reason to actually have this "crazy honey stash" but now the world knows because David decided to post it on twitter the minute I got out of the car to get the Chinese food.

"please don't take a picture of my crazy honey
stash and post it online" Denise

And I'm lucky enough to have been born a girl, so this behavior is going to be brushed under the rug with all the other crazies that accidentally get out far more often than necessary.


  1. I TOTALLY agree! Why do we put up with these stupid expectations??